Empyreal Environs

Men at some time are masters of their fates: The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves, that we are underlings.
Julius Caesar, Act I, Scene II
William Shakespeare

It is high time to let the cat out of Schrödinger’s box: I’m beginning to lose faith that I might get a position at NESN. I’ve even resorted trying to divine my future via the extremes of pseudoscience and quackery by consulting horoscopes and other devices of charlatanism. It’s mystifying to me that people think their fates are determined by the observation of astronomical objects all from our relative positions on earth, but I find my self in desperate straits.

I was born on November 23, 1969, so that makes me a Sagittarius. Sagittarians are supposed to be enthusiastic, generous, religious, philosophical, argumentative, blunt, impatient, and pushy. The myth behind the astrological sign of Sagittarius is based on Chiron, a centaur. Centaurs were the only half-man, half-beast creature that was held in any esteem because the ancients respected horses. Chiron was the most honored and was the pupil of Apollo and Diana and thus well-versed in the fields of hunting, medicine, music, and prophecy. In fact, many medical and occult terms still extant have their origins from the name Chiron, a form of the Greek kheir, meaning hand, including chiromancy (palm reading), chiropracty, surgery (originally cirurgerie from Old French), and chiragra (gout of the fingers).

The myth of Chiron tells of him being grievously injured by an arrow shot from the bow of Hercules. The missile had been dipped in the Hydra’s poison that was of such potency that the physician could not heal himself. Here his tale intersects with that of Prometheus, who stole the fire of the gods and granted it to humanity. Prometheus was punished for his misdeed by being chained to a rock in Tartarus while his liver was endlessly eaten and regrown. Hercules requested from Jupiter that Prometheus be freed should someone willing to take the Titan’s place be found. Chiron ceded his immortality to take Prometheus’s place, and the king of gods rewarded him by placing the centaur in the skies as the constellation Sagittarius.

In Chinese astrology, I’m an Earth Rooster. We terrene fowl are much like the bird we are associated with: feisty, resilient, assured, determined, proud, extroverted, and theatrical. This is probably the basis for my telegenic personality. This forecast indicates that the Year of the Rooster bodes well for those of my ilk, so I am trying to remain upbeat. As the old folk say, however, “One day you’re a rooster, the next a feather duster.”

Every Friday, Dave McCarty will join us to discuss a topic of interest to him and probably no one else but the author of this site and other lone linguistics-loving geeks trying to get a word in edgewise.

26 August 2005 ∙ 3:33 PM ∙ Dave’s Diegeses ∙ Permalink ∙ Comments: 3

Game 125: August 25, 2005
Red Sox (72-53), 4
Royals (42-83), 7
L: Curt Schilling (5-6)
W: Jose Lima (5-12)
H: Ambiorix Burgos (9)
H: Jeremy Affeldt (10)
S: Mike MacDougal (17)

As a starter, I like Schilling as a spokesperson for various charities. I’d hate to add my wares to the ever-expanding inventory of the merchants of misery, but the veteran northpaw’s first start since April 23rd left much to be desired. Schilling threw 82 pitches over 5 innings with 9 hits, 6 earned runs, 1 walk, 6 strikeouts, but at least no home runs were surrendered. The organization trusts Schilling implicity and without hesitation, and this seems to be creating an untenable situation. Schilling’s faith in his god and himself was well and good when his body was physically capable of rigors he demanded of it. But now, “[t]he falcon cannot hear the falconer.”

Gratuitous Bill Mueller feat: With the count full, 2 out, and 1 on, the third baseman hit a grounder that jauntily skipped by former Red Sox player and current Kansas City first baseman Matt Stairs. Also notable is that by the time the ball was gathered by right fielder Emil Brown, Kevin Millar was able to score from first. I’ll permit you to let that sink in a moment. Yes, you read that correctly: Millar legged out a run.

Since this game wasn’t particularly compelling, I watched the ‘Ewa Beach match-up against Lafayette in Game 28 of the Little League World Series instead. It’s win or go home for the remaining teams from this point forward. Unlike previous games in which the team from Hawai‘i outscored their opponents a combined 24-4, the final score was a tight 2-0 in favor of the islanders. The scoreless tie was broken in the 4th inning when Sheyne “Bubbles” Baniaga hit a 2-run home run. Baniaga drove in Alaka‘i Aglipay, who had reached on a walk. Myron “Kini” Enos (1.06 ERA) pitched 5 innings of shutout ball, stifling the Southwest champs. ‘Ewa Beach next plays the West champs from Vista, California on August 27th. The winner of this game will represent the US in the World title game.

I’ll be at the game tonight and will let you know if the new turf installed because of the havoc wreaked by the Rolling Stones concert meets my approval. Perhaps the Red Sox will market the Rolling Stone lawn just as they did the championship sward. Everyone knows, a rolling stone gathers no moss (which is entirely different from grass because it is a non-vascular plant).

26 August 2005 ∙ 7:09 AM ∙ August 2005 Game Comments ∙ Permalink

I’m unsure how to feel about Daniel Edwards’s exhibit at First Street Gallery in Chelsea entitled The Ted Williams Memorial Display with Death Mask from The Ben Affleck 2004 World Series Collection. I don’t condone censorship, so I’m not calling for the exhibit to fold. Perhaps it is an opportunity to explore the way we build myths around our cherished heroes such as Williams.

Most unsettling is that the authenticity of the mask is not made evident; the press release is unclear as to whether the death mask was actually cast from Williams’s head. The mask will be displayed alongside actual memorabilia, so it is swathed with an air of genuineness. The announcement plays on its intended audience’s uneasy feeling of tension between the macabre need to know if the mask is real and the desire to maintain a modicum reverence for someone no longer with us. More than anything, however, I think it merely prolongs the circus surrounding the circumstances of his final resting place, which has been anything but.

The man had his faults, there is no doubt about that. The almost hagiographic treatments of his exploits after his death are at completely at odds to the sideshow happenings since his passing. I only hope that the years following Williams’s death will erode the dross of hyperbole and desecration and bring us to a more intimate understanding of the man in all his intricacy.

25 August 2005 ∙ 9:52 PM ∙ 2005 News & Opinions ∙ Permalink

Game 124: August 24, 2005
Red Sox (72-52), 3
Royals (41-83), 4
L: Bronson Arroyo (10-9)
W: Andrew Sisco (2-2)
11 innings

This would be another easy game, right? Johnny Damon was hit by a pitch from D.J. Jazzy Carrasco in the 1st inning after the third-year Kansas City righty got ahead with a of count 1-2. Edgar Renteria and David Ortiz both conspired to advance Damon to third. Manny Ramirez then earned his league-leading 112th RBI to put Boston ahead early.

Ignoring Kevins after they hit home runs is a Red Sox standard operating procedure. Kevin Millar lofted his 5th home run of the year in the 2nd inning. Ortiz machinated again by getting the dugout to ignore Millar as he made his way back to the bench after his homer. The ice was broken by Jason Varitek, who jumped the inconstant first baseman from behind to get a piggyback ride.

The 3rd inning saw the final run scored by the Red Sox, although many opportunities later in the game were squandered. Ortiz grounded into his team’s first double play of the night, but it was a productive 2 outs because it scored Damon. The Royals responded with a run of their own in the bottom of the inning with Mike Sweeney’s sacrifice to center to plate David DeJesus.

My requisite Bill Mueller mention: in the 4th inning he ranged to nab Emil Brown’s grounder and heaved it to Millar for the first out of the inning. Jerry Remy mentioned that Mueller is having a great year defensively and should be a candidate for the Gold Glove. Mueller has 9 errors while his counterpart in the New York AL team has 10.

Ramirez lunged at the first pitch he saw in the 5th inning with the bases loaded and 1 out to ground into a double play. Kansas City grabbed the momentum back from the Red Sox, DeJesus replying with a 2-run home run to tie the game.

The next 6 innings were a primer of disillusionment as both teams left runners in scoring position with startling regularity. The Royals loaded the bases in the 6th after Matt Clement hit Angel Berroa to load the bases. John Buck killed the inning by grounding into a double play initiated by Renteria. In the 7th inning, Terrence Long made one of his patented Red Sox-slaughtering plays, sprinting to catch up to Millar’s liner with 2 out and the bases loaded. Does anyone want to win this game?

The only trusted bullpen arms (Mike Myers, Chad Bradford, and Mike Timlin) pitched the next two innings. Bradford was particularly impressive by roaring back by striking out Berroa and Buck with inherited runners at the corners and 1 out .

Bronson Arroyo relinquished the game-winning run in the 11th. Former Red Sox prospect Chip Ambres hit a fly ball to Ramirez, who got the ball back to the plate almost in time to cut down DeJesus.

A frustrating loss, but still heartening to see Clement being able to go long into the game to give Jeremi Gonzalez a breather. Tonight we’ll see if Curt Schilling can reclaim his title as team ace.

25 August 2005 ∙ 7:21 AM ∙ August 2005 Game Comments ∙ Permalink ∙ Comments: 4

Game 123: August 23, 2005
Red Sox (72-51), 5
Royals (40-83), 2
W: David Wells (10-6)
L: Zack Greinke (3-15)

Trot Nixon had his first at bat since July 26th, that fateful day when both he and Matt Clement were injured. Who would have thought then that recovering from potential head trauma would be quicker than a strained oblique muscle, but such is the nature of soft tissue injuries. I hope we aren’t seeing the onset of aging left-handed slugger injury syndrome, so poignantly demonstrated by Jim Thome, Garret Anderson, and Ken Griffey, Jr. Nixon went 1 for 4 with an RBI and a strikeout, reclaiming his place in the fifth spot that both Jason Varitek and John Olerud had ably filled in his absence. There were others that tried to bat fifth, but they did not acquit themselves as well, and since they were understandably not in the lineup, they will remain unnamed.

Despite illness, Wells shut out the Royals through 5 innings with a line of 5 hits, 2 walks, and 5 strikeouts. Jeremi Gonzalez continued his impressive string of middle relief showings, pitching for 3 no-hit innings, striking out 3 and walking only Chip Ambres, his former teammate.

Greinke pitched perfectly until the second batter of the 3rd inning, when Bill Mueller lined down the left field line for a one-out double. After Graffanino flied out to center, a cavalcade of hits followed. Johnny Damon arched a fly ball over Terrence Long to score Mueller, then Edgar Renteria lined his single into shallow left. Dale Sveum decided to test Long’s arm by sending Damon, who scored despite a close play. The Red Sox shortstop advanced to second base on the off-target throw, well positioned to score on David Ortiz’s line drive double to center field. Were you half-hoping for another bunt? Me neither.

Boston quelled the Royals’ hopes for an extra base hit in the home half of the 5th inning with a Manny Ramirez assist, his 13th of the season. It was an all-time classic deke: Ramirez slid to miss Long’s hit to left field. Convinced he could advance safely, Long broke for second, not seeing that Ramirez had quickly recovered to throw out his Kansas City counterpart to end the inning.

We are witnessing the Paul Quantrillification of Timlin before our very eyes. His 63 appearances lead pitchers in the AL, edging out Tom Gordon (who used to be a starter in Kansas City) by a single game. Timlin did get the final 3 outs of the game, but not without permitting 2 runs as well as initiating a spate of drama in the form of the tying run reaching the plate. If there is anyone reading this who happens to know Terry Francona, could you please convey the message that this abuse must stop? Send him video of Ortiz hitting a home run off of Quantrill in the 12th inning of Game 4 if necessary, superimposing the face of Timlin. I’m mortally serious about this.

24 August 2005 ∙ 7:42 AM ∙ August 2005 Game Comments ∙ Permalink

Game 122: August 21, 2005
Red Sox (71-51), 5
Angels (71-53), 1
W: Mike Timlin (5-2)
L: Paul Byrd (9-8)

Not only did the Red Sox not commit errors, there were several marvelous defensive plays that made this game more gratifying than any slugfest. I’m an adherent to the belief that solid foundational play holds you in good stead and this theory held today. In the 2nd inning Manny Ramirez made a superlative play on Casey Kotchman’s fly ball to left field by tracking down the ball with no regard for life or dreadlock. Jason Varitek neutralized Chone Figgins on the basepaths by catching him stealing in the 3rd to end the inning. Tony Graffanino wasn’t necessarily fundamentally sound but did make a stylish catch of Adam Kennedy’s pop fly for the second out of the 9th inning. The Red Sox second baseman ranged into shallow right field with the sun blasting straight in his face. He backhanded the ball for a moment, but then it sidled out of his glove and rolled down his arm. Graffanino whipped around quickly enough to catch the ball on the rebound.

Clean defensive play was necessary because Byrd pitched a gem of a game for the first 7 innings. He sat down 15 Red Sox hitters consecutively and looked as he was on his way to a complete game shutout.

Bill Mueller led off the 8th inning with a single grounded to left field and Graffanino did the same. Terry Francona signaled for a bunt with Gabe Kapler at the plate, and unlike yesterday the stratagem failed as the lead runner was erased. Next Johnny Damon grounded to out third and it seemed that another rally would yield barren fruit. Edgar Renteria begged to differ with his clutch 3-run homer with 2 out. Angels left fielder Juan Rivera couldn’t leap high enough to intercept the ball’s progress and the shutout ended abruptly. With a baseball equivalent of Trading Places, David Ortiz bunted down the third base line to subvert the shift and got his first bunt for a base hit of his career. Mike Scioscia awoke from his mid-afternoon nap to bring in Brendan Donnelly to face Ramirez, perhaps thinking that the .125 batting average implied a good match-up but maybe not realizing it was based on only 8 plate appearances. Small sample sizes--they’ll kill you. So will 2-run home runs to render the score 5-0.

Papelbon was the very definition of chutzpah. Undaunted by former MVP Vladimir Guerrero, Papelbon pitched the right fielder high and inside on the 0-2 count in the 4th inning. Papelbon then got Guerrero to swing on his 5th pitch to strike the lethal clean-up hitter. Audacious and intrepid, the rookie righty still has not earned his first victory, but proved his mettle against a superior opponent. His line was 5.2 innings, 5 hits, no runs, 3 walks, and 2 strikeouts.

Curt Schilling made his last appearance from the bullpen. I wasn’t a proponent of the experiment, but his stint served its purpose. I don’t doubt that he’ll be much more effective with the latitude that starting pitchers have in manipulating the opposing teams’ hitters across multiple innings.

21 August 2005 ∙ 11:37 PM ∙ August 2005 Game Comments ∙ Permalink

Game 121: August 20, 2005
Red Sox (70-51), 2
Angels (71-52), 4
L: Bronson Arroyo (10-8)
W: Ervin Santana (7-5)
H: Scot Shields (26)
S: Francisco Rodriguez (28)

Hey, at least it wasn’t Joe Buck and Tim McCarver. That’s one of the few positive things I have to say about this game.

Major league hitters, please stop hitting our pitchers. This isn’t dodgeball, mind you. And that applies to you, Mr. Orlando Cabrera, even though you are one of The Twenty-Five. I saw you hit Arroyo in the 1st inning, and don’t say you didn’t. No stuffed turtle for a week!

The 3rd inning began inauspiciously for the Red Sox starter-cum-singer when he hit Adam Kennedy after getting ahead of the second baseman 0-2 with 1 out. Chone Figgins flied out on the first pitch, and Arroyo was going to town with 2 outs and a runner on first. Kennedy managed to steal second while Cabrera was batting, a rarity for Arroyo as he had only surrendered a single stolen base previously. He walked Cabrera after coming from behind in the count to make it full. Johnny Damon had another awful fielding effort when he allowed Darin Erstad’s liner to skip by him, permitting 2 runs score. Recall that the center fielder had requested not to be in the lineup for a day game in the Metrodome because he felt he would be a defensive liability. This lack of self-assurance is badly timed since Adam Stern was placed on the 15-day disabled list with a thumb injury today.

Edgar Renteria’s nickname is “Igor,” according to Fox. Is it pronounced “eye-gor”?

Lenny DiNardo, who filled the vacancy provided by Stern’s injury, pitched in the 7th inning. Terry Francona sanctioned too much leeway with the lefty, who gave up 2 singles, a steal, and a run before getting an out and the hook. Mike Myers replaced DiNardo and nearly got the second out but for a throwing error by Renteria that granted Erstad first base and advanced Figgins. Chad Bradford joined the fray and Vladimir Guerrero singled on his first pitch to load the bases. A wild pitch by the submarining righty to Casey Kotchman enabled Figgins to score the second run of the inning. Kotchman struck out swinging at Bradford’s erratic trajectories. The fourth pitcher of the inning, Mike Remlinger, got the final out by making Maicer Izturis fly out to center.

The Red Sox made it halfway back with a rally in the 8th. Singles by Kevin Millar, Bill Mueller, Damon, and Renteria provided the only Boston runs of the game, with Renteria earning 2 RBIs. With runners on first and second and 2 out, David Ortiz had the chance to be the hero again. He struck out swinging to end the inning, however.

This game’s folly was not being able to get baserunners. Rather than lack of timely hitting like the first game of the series, there was just a lack of hitting, period. I’ve mentioned how poorly Red Sox hitters fare against rookie pitchers, and this showing against Santana was no exception. I suggest ramping up the advanced scouting team to full gear to scrutinize this young pitcher, whom Boston might likely face again in the postseason.

20 August 2005 ∙ 10:58 PM ∙ August 2005 Game Comments ∙ Permalink ∙ Comments: 3

Game 120: August 19, 2005
Red Sox (70-50), 4
Angels (70-52), 3
BS: Mike Timlin (5)
W: Curt Schilling (5-5)
L: Scot Shields (8-9)
10 innings

I had to make sure I was watching the correct game. Some team wearing Red Sox uniforms put on the bunt twice in the 2nd inning. Alex Cora bunted for a base hit after Bill Mueller had singled to lead off. A spirit must have then possessed Terry Francona and made him put on the sacrifice bunt call with Gabe Kapler at bat to move over the runners. I slapped the side of the television to confirm it was working correctly. Johnny Damon plated Mueller with a ground out to first base for the first run of the game.

Matt Clement was solid through 7 innings, partially dispelling the notion that he is unable to sustain his momentum past the All-Star break. His line comprised 6 hits, 1 earned run, 1 walk, and 5 strikeouts and was in line for his twelfth win of the season.

Before I go on about the game, I must say to Steve Finley, he of the $6M a year salary and .267 OBP, how dare you use “Tom Sawyer” as your bat music. Perhaps that is why you get booed. It’s not your 0 for 4 showing with 2 strikeouts, really.

The Red Sox extended their lead in the top of the 5th with 2 runs. Manny Ramirez doubled to center with a line drive on a 2-2 pitch. John Lackey made a wild pitch that allowed Ramirez to reach third with Jason Varitek batting. The Red Sox catcher walked, and John Olerud lined a double to center to clear the bases.

With a little better throw from Olerud, the bottom of the 5th would have continued the shutout of the Angels. Casey Kotchman led off with a double and would eventually score on a fielder’s choice by Finley. Olerud threw to home to attempt to get Kotchman out but his throw bounced before reaching Varitek. Making amends for recent sloppy play, Ramirez reached over his head to catch Adam Kennedy’s liner. With runners at the corners and 2 out, Alex Cora proved his mettle by diving to catch Orlando Cabrera’s fly out to end the inning.

The 6th inning had a little more of the go-go that the Red Sox usually lack, even though it ended fruitlessly. Damon beat out Figgins’s throw for a leadoff infield single and then proceeded to steal second base on a close call that prompted Mike Scioscia to complain. Mueller made an excellent catch of a foul ball from Darin Erstad’s bat, sliding near the wall in a way that evoked his gruesome season-ending injury.

Another interlude, this time with Steven Manganello, affectionately known as “The Coma Guy.” This atypical fan was in a coma throughout last year’s ALCS and World Series, missing the entirety of his beloved team’s championship run. Dan Roche, Don Orsillo, and Jerry Remy are straightlaced on Fridays now, much to everyone’s dismay. No Cobalt or coma jokes here, folks.

David Ortiz found Bill Welke’s calls at home plate a joke. He was extremely disinclined to agree with Welke’s view of the strike zone, which was capricious at best. The designated hitter struck out for the third out of the 8th inning and was thrown out for arguing balls and strikes. He made a demonstration at home plate by pretending he was a right-handed hitter at the plate, perhaps insinuating that Vladimir Guerrero gets favorable calls? Remy opined that Ortiz’s exhibition might get him suspension time.

With 2 out and 1 on, Francona called for Guerrero to be intentionally walked. Very few players require this particular tactic of intentional base on balls to put the tying run on, and the Angels’ right fielder is one of them. Bengie Molina came through on a full count with a bases-clearing single to tie the game. Note to Francona, or who or whatever is currently possessing him: see how rest improved Schilling? Please consider the same for Timlin.

Schilling pitched 2 perfect innings with 4 strikeouts to shut down the Angels and allow his team to wage a comeback. In the 10th inning, Kapler and Damon singled in order. Roberto Petagine batted in place of the ejected Ortiz. Petagine stood in the box for a marvelous 10-pitch at bat. With each successive pitch and foul off one could almost feel his confidence surging, so different from a comparable Kevin Millar turn at the plate. Watching Millar’s plate appearances, one senses mounting desperation as an undertone, and the scene invariably unfurls into an unproductive out. In contrast, Petagine walked to load the bases, and with 1 out Ramirez surveyed the field. Quickly down 1-2, Ramirez seemed to make the decision to judiciously drive in a run rather than swing for the fences. He took the fourth pitch, a ball, and then nubbed the fifth pitch just enough to score Kapler and advance the runners.

The Red Sox won their 17th one-run game (17-12 overall) and their 4th extra innings game. They have outscored their opponents 10 runs to 6 in extra frames, showing resiliency in late and close situations. Slowly they make their way out of the inferno (a place of random fireworks and exhorting public address announcers), through purgatory (although they left 16 in Limbo), and perhaps beyond.

20 August 2005 ∙ 3:00 PM ∙ August 2005 Game Comments ∙ Permalink

The Northwest champions are from ‘Ewa Beach, Hawai‘i this year. They defeated Council Rock-Newtown from Pennsylvania 7-1 yesterday and face Midwest champs Davenport Northwest from Iowa on Sunday, August 21st. ‘Ewa Beach has been absolutely demolishing the competition, outscoring them 87-19 in the qualifying rounds. The team from my hometown Kihei didn’t even face these juggernauts from ‘Ewa, but got beat by Hilo and Pearl City (those townies). That’s all forgotten now; I’ll cheer for the team from Hawai‘i as well as any teams from the New England area. Imua! (Go!)

A note on the title of this post: When you give driving directions in Hawai‘i, if you were born and raised there you wouldn’t typically use north, south, east, or west but “mauka” (towards the mountains) and “makai” (towards the ocean). Since there is a prevailing wind pattern from the northeast, the land on the side of a mountain range that faces the tradewinds is called “windward” and its opposite is “leeward.” These terms are habitually used to refer to sides of the island, not directions. Honolulu is on the leeward side of the island and south of the Ko‘olau Mountains, so mauka is north and makai is south. In the Honolulu area, you would use “Diamond Head” as a way to say eastwards and “‘Ewa” to mean west. Traffic going “‘Ewa bound” on H-1 (yes, Hawai‘i has interstates) in the afternoon is atrocious, sort of like 93 North after work in the Boston area. In fact, city and county planners are trying to make the towns around ‘Ewa into a “second city” and built a satellite city hall in Kapolei to that end.

20 August 2005 ∙ 11:58 AM ∙ Around Baseball ∙ Permalink

Mark Bellhorn was designated for assignment tonight. The second baseman will probably be best remembered for his pivotal home runs in Games 6 and 7 of the 2004 ALCS, as well as Game 1 of the World Series. He did tend to strikeout frequently, but the impact of this fault was ameliorated somewhat by his ability to get on base.

Keith Foulke was hit by a comebacker from Trot Nixon’s bat during a simulated game today. As the ever-cheery Edna St. Vincent Millay said, “Life isn’t one damn thing after another. It’s the same damn thing again and again.” Let’s just be thankful Nixon didn’t mistake Foulke for Ryan Rupe. Despite the seeming setback, Foulke predicts that he’ll be back with the major league team by September 1st.

There are whispers of Craig Hansen skipping over triple A and coming straight to the majors. It’s a bit of a shame as Kevin Youkilis was all set to show the right-handed reliever his arcane knowledge of Pawtucket. Get realtime updates of Hansen’s performance in his prospect tracker thread on the Royal Rooters site.

19 August 2005 ∙ 10:48 PM ∙ Around Baseball ∙ Permalink

It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like “What about lunch?”
A. A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh

From time to time I’ve been accused of being verbose, tedious, and perhaps even a bit highfaluting. I don’t intend to put on airs, of course, that’s just the way I use words. Words are the essential utterances that distinguish us from all known creatures, and I value them above any earthly riches. Language grants form to the amorphous and brings order to the inchoate. It can unify, but just as quickly mystifies. While Mike Remlinger has had time to retreat from his infinite ERA, during my retreat I’ve plumbed the mines of language devotees and discovered some wordplay gems that I’d prefer to share rather than hoard. Sort of how Remlinger is so generous with earned runs.

In the study of linguistics, metanalysis is not some sort of French postmodernist theory but rather the process in which a phrase is changed so that a part of one word fuses onto the other. A famous example is “a nadder” evolving into “an adder.” Baseball has a metanalyzed word of its own with “umpire.” In Middle English, an arbiter was called a “noumpere,” someone who was impartial because he was “not a peer” of the parties in dispute. Tell that to Bob Watson.

Another language quirk is the mondegreen, introduced to us by Sylvia Wright. Wright misheard the last words of the lay “The Bonny Earl O’Murray” as “Lady Mondegreen” rather than “hae laid him on the green.” A more recent offshoot of this effect is the mishearing of popular song lyrics, many which have been collected in books and websites. I’m guilty of one that still amuses my mom to this day. On a long drive, I stared out of the car window, absentmindedly singing “Cheese and spice. Cheese and spice!” Mom looked over baffled and asked what I was singing. I told her it was that cheese and spice song, the one that we heard on the radio that was part of an advertisement for a production at the local theater. “Jesus Christ Superstar” was being performed by the island theater group at the time.

In 1775, Richard Sheridan released a play entitled The Rivals that featured a character named Mrs. Malaprop. Malaprop, from the French “mal à propos” meaning “ill to purpose,” would use pompous words incorrectly much to audience ’s delight. The trait was so notorious it became the basis for malapropisms, which are the unwitting misuses of a word in place of another. One of her famously tortured sentences was, “If I reprehend any thing in this world, it is the use of my oracular tongue, and a nice derangement of epitaphs!” She meant to use apprehend, vernacular, arrangement, and epithets. A common one you will even find in the New York Times is “prosperity” for “posterity.”

Lest you think fictional female characters are the only folk to be immortalized as a word quirk, let us not forget the Reverand William Archibald Spooner. Where mondegreens are slips of the ear, spoonerisms are trips of the tongue in which the initial consonants are switched to humorous effect. “The Lord is a shoving leopard,” is, possibly apocryphally, ascribed to Spooner.

With the advent of the internet and chat programs, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the comic mistypings I’ve witnessed. In our 30-second attention span society, everyone is guilty, so no one person should be singled out with these drifts of the hands and minds. One particularly memorable one I heard was someone typing “manstring” instead of “hamstring” in the Royal Rooters game chat.

For further reading and enjoyment, I recommend:

• Evan Morris’s Word Detective site, although he would hate the “s” after the apostrophe style I use
• Anu Garg’s A Word a Day page, which also hosts the anagram maker I like
• Paul Brians’s Common Errors in English that includes non-errors that you may cite in e-mails responding to your know-it-all opponents
• Language Log blog by a group of linguists
• It Figures by a consortium of debate mavens analyzing current usages of figures of speech
• Paul McFedries’s The Word Spy, which chronicles neologisms

There might be a conspiracy to convince me that the extra “s” style is unseemly given these names. At any rate, join the lettered cabal. All it costs is time.

Every Friday, Dave McCarty will join us to discuss a topic of interest to him and probably no one else but the author of this site and other lone linguistics-loving geeks trying to get a word in edgewise.

19 August 2005 ∙ 4:56 PM ∙ Dave’s Diegeses ∙ Permalink ∙ Comments: 2

Game 119: August 18, 2005
Red Sox (69-50), 4
Angels (70-51), 13
L: Tim Wakefield (12-10)
W: Bartolo Colon (16-6)

Circle 1, Limbo: Manny Ramirez and Johnny Damon collided in the outfield, neither one of them getting a glove on an utterly catchable ball hit by our old friend Orlando Cabrera with 1 out for a double. Cabrera remained stranded to end the inning.

Circle 2, Lust: Designated hitter Casey Kotchman hit a home run on a 3-1 fastball to right field. The fireworks symbolize the desire that Angels players have for a fan base that actually understands baseball and doesn’t need cues from the ring of signs around the stadium to know how to react.

Circle 3, Gluttony: For a perfect picture of indulgence, see Bartolo Colon. Cerberus isn’t around to turn him into kibble, however.

Circle 4, Avarice: Arte Moreno, owner of the Angels, covets the Dodgers’ market share and has made every effort to lure fans to his stadium, including redundantly renaming his franchise. Is that Moreno futilely moving the boulders in the center field panorama? In the 4th inning, Bill Mueller made an exceptional catch to stop Juan Rivera’s ball from hurtling along the third base line, but as with most of his efforts after particularly outstanding catches lately, the throw was askew. It pulled Kevin Millar off first base to allow Juan Rivera a single. Wakefield recovered to strike out Steve Finley and force a ground out from Adam Kennedy, stranding runners at the corners.

Circle 5, Wrath and Sloth: Cabrera, who has only 4 errors this season, walked to get on base and then stole second base. His replacement Edgar Renteria mishandled Doug Mirabelli’s check throw and the Angels shortstop then advanced to third base. Ramirez muffed Darin Erstad’s hit to left by failing to back off the bounding ball that proceeded to roll all the way to the wall. After Guerrero was intentionally walked for a second time, Molina golfed a low pitch through the infield towards right, scoring Erstad. Kotchman drilled a hit that ricocheted off Wakefield’s right ankle and the knuckleballer had to leave the game. Wakefield did depart under his own power. Mike Myers took the mound and was promptly shelled by Juan Rivera for a 3-run home run. The Angels score an ominously symbolic 6 runs in the inning.

Circle 6, Heretics: Who else to represent the heretics but the dissidently named Chone Figgins, who led off with a double and looked less outclassed than he did in last year’s ALDS. Figgins eventually scored after being advanced on ground outs by Cabrera and Erstad. Myers somehow struck out Guerrero to end the inning, flying in the face of accepted wisdom.

Circle 7, The Violent: This circle was tailor-made for me. Give me some marshmallows and I’ll make s’mores in my personal gyre. This game made me as violent as when I see the McDonald’s poetry slam or Coke 1970s retread teaching the world to chill commercials. The Red Sox whittled away at the Angels’ lead, scoring 3 runs with 2 outs. Ramirez laced a ground-rule double to right field on a 1-2 pitch, followed by four straight singles by Millar, Mueller, Mirabelli, and Gabe Kapler. Terry Francona brought out Mike Remlinger to hurl, which is what the lefty makes me want to do when I see him on the mound. He allowed a leadoff single by Molina. Rivera’s grounder up the middle evaded Renteria’s glove, leaving Remlinger with runners on first and second with 1 out. He then walked Finley on 4 pitches to load the bases. Adam Kennedy flied out to Ramirez, but Figgins followed with a 2-run single that sprung past a diving Tony Graffanino.

Circle 8, Malebolge (for the Fraudulent): Typifying a fraud is Remlinger disguising himself as a major league pitcher, when, in reality, he’s both Billy Bob Thornton and John Ratzenberger. Think about it, you’ve never seen them in the same place have you?

Circle 9, The Traitorous: Tonight, the whole team belonged here. There were flashes of radiance: Mueller who hit a home run in the 9th and Adam Stern’s snatch in center of Erstad’s fly ball in the 8th stand out in particular. Neither of these things ultimately mattered to the outcome of the game, but they did make it more bearable. Fittingly, Anaheim ended the game with 13 runs. The Red Sox had 4, which is an ill omen in Japan because one of the pronunciations for “four” (shi) is a homophone for “death.”

Hopefully tonight the game will be a little less hellish and a bit more divine.

19 August 2005 ∙ 2:18 AM ∙ August 2005 Game Comments ∙ Permalink

Game 118: August 17, 2005
Red Sox (69-49), 5
Tigers (57-62), 6
L: David Wells (9-6)
W: Jeremy Bonderman (14-9)
H: Vic Darensbourg (1)
H: Craig Dingman (2)
S: Fernando Rodney (5)

Welcome to Double Play City, population: the Red Sox. Boston was crippled by 5 double plays.

1. Kevin Millar (shocker there, eh?) grounded into a 5-4-3 double play in the 2nd inning. Amazingly, the habitually slow John Olerud advanced to third base and positioned himself to score on Bill Mueller’s ground-rule double.
2. Switching things around a bit, John Olerud grounded into a 4-6-3 double play to kill the 5th inning rally that began with a Johnny Damon leadoff double and a David Ortiz walk.
3. Jason Varitek had leadoff with a walk and Mueller singled to put together a scoring opportunity in the 6th inning. Tony Graffanino snuffed the chance by grounding into a 6-4-3.
4. Graffanino grounded into his second double play to finish off the 8th inning, this time a Pythagorean double play (5-4-3) like Millar’s. Millar had stunningly singled to opposite field to get on base, and Graffanino rendered the miracle futile.
5. Even the most reliable hitters can fall victim to the twin killing. Ortiz grounded into a 4-5-3 to end the game.

The Red Sox did turn 3 double plays of their own, so it’s as if the Tigers were timesharing in DP City.

Wells lasted only 4 innings. It’s incredible he stayed in for so long given that he gave up 5 earned runs in the first inning. Let’s hope it’s only a result of pitching in the daylight with his sinus congested rather than a sign of Wells going Wade Miller on us. He ended with a line of 12 hits, 6 earned runs, no walks, 3 strikeouts, and 1 home run. The bullpen trio of Jeremi Gonzalez, Mike Remlinger, and Chad Bradford kept their team close in the late innings, but the early deficit was too large to overcome.

I’ll get to see a game in the final series with Detroit later this month. Amusingly enough, I, who never wins any luck-based contest, won these tickets in a raffle. The person who called me about my win said I had a choice between two games and kept on gushing about how lucky I was to get tickets because they were really hard to come by this season. Abashedly I admitted I already had tickets to many games and needed to check which ones I was already attending before I committed to a date. Strange how one can feel badly about winning something. With any luck, I’ll be feeling similarly wistful watching the Red Sox decimate the Tigers at the end of August.

17 August 2005 ∙ 9:20 PM ∙ August 2005 Game Comments ∙ Permalink

Game 117: August 16, 2005
Red Sox (69-48), 10
Tigers (56-62), 7
W: Chad Bradford (2-0)
BS: Fernando Rodney (4)
L: Craig Dingman (1-2)
10 innings

Going forward, it’s “Jonathan Papelbon,” not “Jon.” Chris Snow established this in the pre-game show. I’ll miss the way the first name rhymed with the last syllable of the last. Another long-awaited (by me, at least) “World According to Mike Myers” aired, this time an interview with Papelbon about his first major league appearance. Papelbon talked about trying to zone out the crowd at Fenway, but how he wasn’t able to completely block out the roar. He never got the ball he used to earn his first strikeout, but Jason Varitek did give him a game ball. Myers talked about how he got on the internet to get the scouting on the rookie and prepare for the interview, but couldn’t find anything. Doesn’t Myers know about Sox Prospects? The righty listed his pitches: fastball, curveball, slider, and splitfinger; no change-up. Myers also talked some fluff stuff, asking the rookie about his favorite birthday gift, which was a trampoline. He got an add-on boxing ring for Christmas and would beat his brother up in it.

Speaking of names, is there any way a pitcher named Dingman could ever not get out of a game unscathed? He had a single win, and I thought to myself, “Self, that must have been a win over the Kansas City Royals, where the magnitude of their unusual appellations overcame the Dingmanity.” And, indeed, it was against the Royals, specifically Ambiorix Burgos.

Varitek supported his fledgling starter early with a 2-run home run in the 2nd inning after a Ramirez walk. It would be a long time before the Red Sox got on the board again, as Nate Robertson went the next 6 innings without allowing another hit, let alone another run.

Papelbon looked competent again, going 5 innings with 6 hits, 2 earned runs, 2 walks, and 6 strikeouts. He had nearly the same line as his first start, but this time with no home runs. He worked out of a jam in the 4th inning. Chris Shelton led off with a single, but Papelbon retained his composure and struck out the next batter, the lethal Dmitri Young. He fell behind Magglio Ordóñez 3-0 and eventually walked him. Most impressively, he went in on Craig Monroe, getting the left fielder off the plate but also allowing the runners to advance because the ball got away from his backstop. Monroe struck out swinging on the very next pitch, and Brandon Inge followed on 3 straight strikes.

Detroit tied the game in the 5th inning. Omar Infante started things off with a single and Papelbon hit Vance Wilson trying to give him the Monroe Doctrine. After a successful sacrifice bunt by Curtis Granderson, Placido Polanco singled to center. Damon got credited with his third assist of season by initiating the rundown of Polanco. Shelton got a hit and reached second on error after Manny Ramirez fumbled the ball in his glove after it bounced for a single. Papelbon managed to get through the heart of Detroit’s order, steeling himself after walking Young by inducing Ordóñez to pop out to Edgar Renteria for the final out.

The Red Sox killed the 6th and 7th innings with double plays. The 6th featured a strike ’em out, throw ’em out of David Ortiz and Edgar Renteria while the 7th was a 1-4-3 suffered by Tony Graffanino. The Tigers pulled ahead with a Ordóñez sacrifice fly to center in the bottom of the 8th. Damon didn’t even try to throw out Shelton as he tagged for home.

What’s the opposite of a “Grady”? How about a “Trammell”? Alan Trammell pulled his starting pitcher to bring in bring in his pseudo-closer Rodney. Ortiz, so used to hitting homers in Comerica Park since he acquitted himself well in the Home Run Derby, hit a home run to tie the game in the 9th.

The 10th inning showed the thinness of both teams’ bullpens. The Red Sox scored 7 runs, with both Ortiz and Varitek hitting their second dingers of the game. Although Mike Remlinger got his first outs as a Red Sox player, he crumbled to load the bases and give up a grand slam to Monroe. We’ve hopefully seen the last of Remlinger, and by the end of the season Detroit may have a new manager.

If it were done when ’tis done, then ’twere well
It were done quickly; if the assassination
Could trammel up the consequence, and catch
With his surcease success; that but this blow
Might be the be-all and the end-all here,
But here, upon this bank and shoal of time,
We’d jump the life to come.
Macbeth
William Shakespeare

17 August 2005 ∙ 7:21 PM ∙ August 2005 Game Comments ∙ Permalink ∙ Comments: 1

Like the inaugural class of the Baseball Hall of Fame enshrined in 1936, the names of the members of the first class of the Mascot Hall of Fame will forever be intoned with the utmost respect and admiration. The Famous Chicken, Go Gorilla, and the Phillie Phanatic were inducted into the hall today and will stand for all time as the standard against which every mascot will be judged.

16 August 2005 ∙ 11:29 PM ∙ Essential Empy & Humor ∙ Permalink ∙ Comments: 6
Tags: Go Gorilla ∙ mascots ∙ Phillie Phanatic ∙ San Diego Chicken

Game 116: August 15, 2005
Red Sox (68-48), 6
Tigers (56-61), 7
H: Mike Timlin (24)
H: Chad Bradford (5)
BS, L: Curt Schilling (2, 4-5)
W: Jamie Walker (4-3)

Johnny Damon looked awkward playing the vast center field of Comerica Park. In the 1st inning he went back on a fly ball hit by Chris Shelton and leaped at the wall trying to snare the ball. He landed without it, however, looking perplexedly at the warning track dirt and his fallen cap. Gabe Kapler gathered the carom and threw it back in the infield, but Shelton already ran out a triple. The Red Sox center fielder also seemed to give up on Dmitri Young’s blast in the 9th inning. Although it was unlikely that he would have caught it, it wasn’t implausible for him to reach it more quickly, enabling him to possibly make a better throw to third base to at least contest the triple by the lumbering Young.

The game started promisingly enough; Manny Ramirez led off the 2nd inning with what appeared to be a leisurely double, until his counterpart Craig Monroe decided to press him by throwing the ball to second. Ramirez raised his arms up after touching the bag, gesturing to Monroe as if to say, “What the dealio with that?” Ramirez reached third on Jason Varitek’s grounder to first, and then Roberto Petagine walked to position runners at the corners. Bill Mueller lofted a ball to center deep enough to score Ramirez. Alex Cora then jacked a home run to right field and all things seemed possible. This was true, however, for both teams.

The Tigers came lunging back in their half of the 2nd inning, and Arroyo fell apart. Monroe led off with a single to left followed in short order by Brandon Inge’s single to center. The Red Sox outfielders seemed to be unable to gauge exactly where to position themselves, coming up short on fly balls hit by light hitters while permitting longer shots by power sluggers to careen overhead. Omar Infante drove in both runners with his double to left, and Arroyo still had not gotten an out. Infante reached third on a sacrifice bunt, but was stranded by the next two batters. Detroit carried their momentum into the third inning, where Shelton led off with a liner to left that bounded into the stands for a ground-rule double. After advancing to third on a grounder, Shelton was plated by Magglio Ordóñez with a sacrifice fly to right field.

Two streakers took the field in the 6th inning. This is what you get when you play “Centerfold” during pauses of the game. The NESN camera crew have a special talent for selecting people from the crowd that convey exactly what is happening on the field, regardless of the event. One young mother held her younger daughter in her lap, covering her eyes, but laughed along with her older da