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Home » August 2005 Game CommentsAugust 2005 » Wrangled


Game 113: August 10, 2005
Rangers (56-57), 5
Red Sox (66-47), 16 (should be 17)
L: Kenny Rogers (11-5)
W: Bronson Arroyo (10-7)
H: Chad Bradford (4)
H: Mike Timlin (22)

The Rangers series, which I’ve taken to calling the “Dumb Umpires Procession Extraordinaire,” or DUPE, culminated in a sweep by the Red Sox. This is the 9th sweep by the Red Sox, who in turn have only been swept twice. The season series against Texas ended in Boston’s favor, 7-2.

The last game of DUPE was highlighted by the return to glory of one Kenny Rogers, booed lustily by the Fenway fans. I wonder if the camera crews covering the event secretly smirked at the reception the volatile veteran lefty received. Rogers went only 5 innings with 7 hits, 5 runs (all earned), 1 walk, 5 strikeouts, 1 home run (should be 2), and 0 camera crew members harassed.

The crowning achievement of DUPE was when Joe Brinkman, Bill Miller, Adam Dowdy, and Derryl Cousins drew upon their combined mental and visual acuity to rob Gabe Kapler of a home run. In the 3rd inning, Kapler hit a ball that ricocheted off the top of the ledge above the Green Monster. Despite a long conference, the umpiring crew incorrectly determined that Kapler had a double. I wonder if Kapler kept on running if he would have been granted an inside the park home run, because I don’t know how anything off the wall, as the umpires seemed to be claiming, would be a ground-rule double. We at least got to see a (hopefully recovering) Trot Nixon berating the foursome from the dugout.

A cavalcade of runs in the 4th inning granted the Red Sox a dominating lead. Manny Ramirez hit a 3-run home run, Bill Mueller had an RBI single to right field, and Kapler grounded out to plate Tony Graffanino.

Millar provided some comic relief when he went into his slide about 10 feet before second base, looking like a roped calf as he came to a dead stop without reaching the bag. I suppose he was practicing his Tom Brady slide to get the first down.

Ramirez upheld his bid for the Gold Glove by expertly fielding Kevin Mench’s hit off of Mike Timlin in shallow left to rein in the Rangers and close the inning. If the Gold Glove weren’t awarded based on reputation instead of actual results, he might have a chance at the award, supported by his league-leading 12 assists.

The 8th inning featured a Red Sox offensive outburst of 9 runs. The only players not to get an RBI in the course of the game were Jason Varitek, Millar, Adam Stern, and Kevin Youkilis, and the last two were late inning replacements.

Arroyo should keep the cornrows. He went 7.1 innings with 7 hits, 4 earned runs, 1 walk, and 4 strikeouts.


We were discussing the fact we should get the BP and the rest of the struggling starting pitchers to all grow out there hair and get cornrows. The guys that have the amish beards like Wells and Clement would be allowed to substitute by getting cornrows in their beards if they so choose.

Some of the pitchers have hair that won't hold cornrows. Going down the current active roster, these are my best guesses:

Bronson Arroyo- cornrows demonstrated to work just fine
Chad Bradford- hair looks too straight to hold them, but could probably keep then for a few days with a lot of styling wax to hold them together.
Matt Clement- Beard is puffy enough that his hair probably curls enough to keep cornrows in.
Manny Delcarmen- hair can probably support cornrows
Jeremi Gonzalez- hair can probably support cornrows
Mike Myers- hair can probably support cornrows
Mike Remlinger- I have no clue what his hair looks like
Curt Schilling- hair is too fine and straight for cornrows. Not enough hair volume to anchor extensions, so he'd have to resort to glue-on fake cornrows. Which can look surprisingly realistic when done by a good stylist.
Mike Timlin- I don't remember what his hair looks like.
Tim Wakefield- hair looks too short and straight to hold them, but if he grew it out he could probably keep then for a few days with a lot of styling wax to hold them together.
David Wells- must resort to glue-on cornrows.

You should have heard the ESPN announcers when Manny caught that ball. It was as if there was a four year old out there and he miraculously caught a fly ball. Manny should win the G-squared based on the fact that he's a really good fielder, who does a great job handling a 37 foot wall, among other things. With a Johnny Unitas haircut and a "normal" personality, he'd be a cinch for it. But I'd rather have the World Championships anyway.

Twitch, didn't you see Timlin's hair at that concert at Fenway? Kind of that high-school football, bullet-headed cut. Could hold rows, I think.

I saw it then, but his mlb.com photo has a crew cut. So I couldn't be sure I was remembering it right.

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