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    © 2004-2011 by Joanna J.M. Hicks.
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October 12, 2011

Toppling of the Theocracy

Dear Chicago Cubs Fans,

You are in for a treat with Theo Epstein signing a five-year deal with your club. One of the most outstanding general managers in the sport will be haunting the halls of 1060 West Addison soon, and I daresay that the ghosts of past doomed seasons will be dispelled soon.

The Curse of the Billy Goat might be broken by Boston’s scapegoat.

Not to entirely absolve Epstein of his accountability in the Red Sox historic September collapse. He shopped for the groceries and for most of the season constructed scrumptious dinners. He wasn’t completely his fault that John Lackey, Josh Beckett, and Jon Lester opted for beer and fried chicken instead. For every free agent flop (Lackey, Julio Lugo, Edgar Renteria) there was draft day domination (Dustin Pedroia, Jacoby Ellsbury, Daniel Bard, Justin Masterson, Jonathan Papelbon, Clay Buchholz). Sadly, it has been said that Buchholz was on the fringes of the slacker starting pitcher clique.

Don’t be too alarmed if he drafts an undersized infielder or a fringey outfielder. They might end up producing MVP-caliber numbers. Perhaps he’ll turn around his free agent acquisition record.

I envy you the baseball mind that will lead your North Siders, but I am sure you covet the world championships the Red Sox won under Epstein’s auspices.

Kind regards,
Joanna

October 5, 2011

Overhaul at Yawkey Way

Since 2003 John W. Henry and his off-field team has remade Fenway Park. After the colossal collapse this September on-field management has been the next feature to be renovated.

The latest shocker out of 4 Yawkey Way was the unjust canning of first base coach Ron Johnson. Johnson was with the Red Sox organization for 12 years and the last two seasons was served as Terry Francona’s first base coach.

Despite faithfully and dutifully fulfilling all that was required of him in the essential position… wait a second. What do first base coaches do anyway? They are responsible for the runner upon departure from the batter’s box until the time the runner leaves first? That’s it?

This particular Ron Johnson doesn’t even appear on the Wikipedia disambiguation page for his name.

With runners’ mishaps at third and home plate I thought Tim Bogar would be the next to go. Also, the rumblings about starting pitchers imbibing beers in the clubhouse would seem to jeopardize Curt Young’s employment.

Meanwhile, Red Sox senior management and ownership are mulling over giving permission for the Cubs to recruit Theo Epstein.

September 30, 2011

Tears Over Eight Years

Of exultation in 2004 and 2007.

Of frustration in 2006, 2008, and 2010.

Of dolor in 2011.

I’m watching Terry Francona’s press conference and I think that jettisoning him is a mistake. It’s an extreme overreaction to an admittedly colossal collapse.

Bill Belichick wasn’t fired after Super Bowl XLII. Neither Doc Rivers nor Claude Julien were fired after 2010.

I will be in Cooperstown when Francona is inducted into the Hall of Fame and I hope the Red Sox will not lose too many games when Boston plays against his next team.

Godspeed, Tito.

September 29, 2011

It Is Designed to Break Your Heart

There’s nothing I could say here that hasn’t been stated in a manner infinitely more analytical, anguished, and eloquent elsewhere.

Nate Silver neatly dissects the Red Sox’s epic collapse in September. He also concisely computes the dual, dueling improbabilities of the Yankees blowing a seven-run lead and the Red Sox losing last night’s game when they were one strike away from victory: one chance in 278 million.

Jay Caspian Kang eschews calculating probabilities in favor of reveling in the reborn despair over the Olde Towne Team. Kang rhapsodizes, “We get to go back to our favorite pastime: complaining about this shitty team and its shitty GM and what the fuck is wrong with Crawford and did you hear what this guy told me about what John Lackey did when he was at that bar in the Back Bay?”

Finally, Chad Finn performs an autopsy on the deceased team in a measured manner. Finn usually doesn’t call for heads but appeals to a rabid fan base to adopt cooler ones. However, in this column Finn urges John Lackey to “pack up the sneer and the sacks of unearned cash and just go away.” That surly starter was Finn’s only call for dismissal. He believes that Theo Epstein, despite the poor performances by two big ticket free agents, should remain with the club. Ditto with Terry Francona, who some blame for being too soft on players. Finn maintains there is the public Francona and the manager behind closed doors.

The play of Marco Scutaro in this game was a microcosm of this team’s season. At times he was brilliant and lucky, like when he rifled a double to left with one out in the fourth, advanced on a ground out off Carl Crawford’s bat, and scored on a balk by Alfredo Aceves to tie the game 2-2. Scutaro also sparked an outstanding double play in the sixth. After Jon Lester gave up consecutive walks the shortstop scooped Vladimir Guerrero’s grounder and flipped it to Dustin Pedroia’s glove. Pedroia completed the circuit to Adrian Gonzalez’s waiting glove and the visitors got out of frame unscathed.

Later in the contest Scutaro was obtuse and ill-fated. The infielder muscled a single to right with one out in the eighth and took off when he saw Carl Crawford’s line drive wing towards the left-center gap. After he passed second base Scutaro paused because he thought Nolan Reimold had a chance to catch the ball. That momentary stop was the difference between Scutaro scoring an insurance run and being thrown out at home. Tim Bogar had a hand in the disaster. An entire waving arm, in fact.

Other arms that failed in the race? Jonathan Papelbon’s, as he notched two outs in the ninth but surrendered three consecutive hits to blow his third save of the season. Crawford’s, as it flailed in an attempt to snare Robert Andino’s single.

Game 162: September 28, 2011
Boston Red Sox
90-72
3
H: Alfredo Aceves (11)
H: Daniel Bard (34)
BS, L: Jonathan Papelbon (3, 4-1)
2B: Marco Scutaro (26), Carl Crawford (29)
HR: Dustin Pedroia (21)
WinBaltimore Orioles
69-93
4
W: Jim Johnson (6-5)
2B: J.J. Hardy (27), Mark Reynolds (27), Chris Davis (12), Nolan Reimold (10)
HR: Hardy (30)

September 28, 2011

Lavarnway and Shirley

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8
Schlemiel! Schlimazel!
Hasenpfeffer Incorporated!
We’re gonna do it
Give us any chance we’ll take it
Give us any rule we’ll break it
We’re gonna make our dreams come true
Doin’ it our way
—“Making Our Dreams Come True,” Norman Gimbel and Charles Fox

For once Robert Andino was the schlemiel, the awkward and unlucky person for whom things never turn out right. The second baseman bungled Darnell McDonald’s fourth-inning fly ball by over-pursuing it into right, allowing it to drop between him, Nick Markakis, and Mark Reynolds. His bat as cooled as well; he went 0-for-5 with two strikeouts.

The schlimazels were all the hitters victimized by Wally Bell’s lopsided strike zone.

The man with the chutzpah was Ryan Lavarnway, the rookie catcher pressed into service because of Jason Varitek’s and Jarrod Saltalamacchia’s maladies. He added to the Red Sox’s lead in the fourth with a three-run shot to right. A greenhorn’s first four-bagger would be memorable regardless of the circumstances, but Lavarnway’s came with his team’s playoff hopes in the balance.

Lavarnway’s heroics didn’t stop once behind the plate. The backstop halted Adam Jones’s attempted theft of third in the second inning. After a tense moment of hesitation he jumped on Matt Wieter’s tapper that died in front of the plate and fired to first for the second out of the ninth inning. Although a run scored on the play, the out was key with yet another runner in scoring position.

In the top of the eighth Lavarnway launched his second home run of the game and his career, increasing the lead to 8-4. With Daniel Bard’s shaky eighth and Wieters’s RBI ground out in the ninth, Lavarnway’s second homer proved the difference between victory and futility.

Lux et veritas.

Game 161: September 27, 2011
WinBoston Red Sox
90-71
8
W: Alfredo Aceves (10-2)
S: Jonathan Papelbon (31)
2B: Marco Scutaro (25), Darnell McDonald (6)
3B: Carl Crawford (7)
HR: Jacoby Ellsbury (32), Ryan Lavarnway – 2 (2), Scutaro (7)
Baltimore Orioles
68-93
7
L: Zach Britton (11-11)
2B: Vladimir Guerrero (30), Adam Jones (26), Nick Markakis (31)
3B: Nolan Reimold (3)
HR: Matt Wieters (22), Jones (25)

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