Game 70: June 21, 2006
Nationals (32-42), 3
Red Sox (42-28), 9
L: Shawn Hill (1-2)
W: Jon Lester (5-8)
An imagined conversation between my “friend” Matt of NU50, who got to go to last night’s game, and me:
M: Dude, you should have been there when Papi hit that grand slam in the second inning. It was suh-weet!
J: Oh yeah? Well, Kevin Youkilis was miked up and I got to hear all of the secrets of the Red Sox clubhouse. Youks is hilarious; he was ribbing Tito, asking if Tito got fired, would he get sent down to Triple-A.
M: For Papi’s grand slam, the cheering was so loud I thought the stands would collapse from the vibrational pressure of our voices.
J: Well, since you didn’t get the insider’s view of the dugout that NESN provides, you didn’t see how Ortiz gave Johnny Pesky a great big hug.
M: That’s actually pretty dangerous. Did he compress Pesky into a diamond?
J: [Indignantly] No! Even though they do say Johnny is a gem of a guy.
M: [Groans] I’ll pretend you didn’t say that. That was just cell phone distortion. Incredibly unfunny cell phone distortion.
J: Youk is the best guy to wear a mic. When Soriano reached on a single in the third inning, they chit-chatted about playing left field. They were all, “Yeah, it’s easy.” Then first base coach Davey Lopes came by and tipped off Soriano that Lester’s pickoff tell was that he looked at the runner or dropped his head.
M: Really? That’s pretty interesting... I mean, so? I got to crane my neck for nine innings in my seats from the right field boxes.
J: The broadcast also showed how Al Nipper would talk to Lester after he got off the mound to discuss his approach. Since I can read lips....
M: You can’t read lips!
J: Uh, yeah I can. Nip was saying, “Hey, maybe that girl with the blog will write make-believe letters by you instead of Pauley.”
M: Nuh uh!
J: Yeah huh! And then Lester’s all, “Yeah, what’s up with that dude that’s supposed to write the mojo? He hasn’t done anything in weeks.” Then Nipper said, “Guess he can’t cut it in the blogger big leagues.” Lester nodded in agreement and said, “Slacker!”
M: Whatever. When Trot almost hit a triple in the triangle in the fifth, it was almost as exciting as the grand slam. Did I mention that Papi hit a grand slam? Gotta love that Red Sox offensive machine; they scored more runs in the second and the sixth than the Nats did the entire game.
J: And you got to see your bullpen faves Tavarez and Seanez almost create a save opportunity for Papelbon.
M: Don’t get me started on them. When Seanez took the mound I was tempted to jump the wall and take him down so that he wouldn’t be able to pitch. There were audible groans as both those guys gave up runs.
J: Meanwhile, Delcarmen twirled a perfect eighth.
M: Yeah, I was sending brain waves to Tito, reminding him that he just had a meeting with his young pitchers and told him they were going to be relied on heavily. Guess some of their names just eluded him. Until I used my powers of suggestion, of course.
J: What do you think of the Jason Johnson move?
M: Wish it were a different JJ, as in Josh Johnson. But it’s a warm body that can hurl, unlike Matt Clement and Keith Foulke, the constant inhabitants of the DL.
J: Hey, another JJ is updating her blog, JJ’s Space. Unlike you.
M: What? I can’t hear you over the booming sound of “Dirty Water” coming over the speakers!