Empyreal Environs

The Celtics played a tremendous game against the Auburn Hill Pistons last night, perhaps at last silencing sports pundits who have written off the team as untested against the league elite. Rookie Glen Davis broke through with a 20-point performance in just 23 minutes of play; he was also the highest scorer on either team. He’s the second-lowest paid player on Boston’s roster.

I was at his first NBA start back on December 12 against the Kings. Clearly excited by the opportunity, Davis came out early to take warm-up shots that night. As soon as a “Big Baby 11” player t-shirt is available, I’m placing an order.

Big Baby hit the parquet early.

Although the scoreboard wasn’t updated at the time, this was Davis’s first start.

Mike Gorman is laughing now, but little does he know he is the target of Kevin Garnett’s ploy.

Is Greg Dickerson on Gorman or Garnett’s side? Who is on the other end of this surreptitious phone call?

The power forward stalks his prey.

Davis anxious to begin the game and oblivious to his teammate’s machinations.

Garnett in range...

...and he successfully unleashes his attack on the hapless Gorman.

Garnett congratulates Davis after their triumphant foray.

6 January 2008 ∙ 11:33 AM ∙ Gallery & Other Sports ∙ Permalink ∙ Comments: 3
Tags: Boston Celtics ∙ Davis (Glen) ∙ Garnett (Kevin)

Watching the team time trials in the 4th stage for the second time, I can’t help but think that a CSC teammate intentionally nicked Dave Zabriskie’s back tire at around the 1.5 kilometer mark so that he would lose the yellow jersey. Zabriskie is not the leader of Team CSC; that would be Ivan Basso and there is no way they would let Zabriskie in his first year with the team continue to lead in the general classification for long. Call me cynical, but this is a sport filled with intrigue and détente, and the team mainstays probably thought it was time for Dave to take a back seat.

Am I jumping to conclusions here? Any readers in tune with the politics of international cycling? It is strange to me that out of the nearly 200 riders, only Zabriskie wiped out. Zabriskie fell to 9th in the general classification, and Basso is right with him at 10th.

Meanwhile, Team Discovery rode the fastest team time trial in tour history, garnering the yellow jersey for Lance Armstrong.

5 July 2005 ∙ 3:09 PM ∙ Other Sports ∙ Permalink

My moniker was the cause of Stacia Firebaugh’s demise at the Scripps National Spelling Bee earlier this month. Mapquest shows me that there are six Kokomo’s in the United States (one each in Arizona, Colorado, Hawai‘i, Indiana, Missouri, and Texas), and one of my first homes on Maui was in Kokomo. Despite the song, there is no city, town, or beach named Kokomo off the Florida Keys, but since the Beach Boys recorded this tune, hotels and restaurants with the name have popped up in Florida. My Kokomo (emphasis on the second syllable, unlike how I assume the mainland locations to be pronounced) was not considered a beach town, as it was Upcountry Maui, which Darren Y.K. Chang fittingly calls the Montana of Hawaii.

11 June 2005 ∙ 11:17 AM ∙ Other Sports ∙ Permalink ∙ Comments: 5

Bill Parcells has a thing for drews, this much is obvious now. It seems his obsession started off with Drew Bledsoe when he was with the New England Patriots. When Parcells went to the Dallas Cowboys, it wasn’t long before he longed for another drew, and he even raided the Yankees’ farm system to get Drew 2.0, Henson. Overlooking Brees in San Diego, Parcells has gone retro by bringing Bledsoe back into the fold.

What will be the master strategian’s next step? Well, no one can really tell what Bill Belichick will do next, but here are the next drews that Parcells may consider:

• Actress Drew Barrymore
• Comedian Drew Carey
• Nancy Drew
• Sex expert Drew Pinsky
• fark.com’s Drew Curtis

Parcells thinks it’s really funny when he yells “Drew!” in the quarterback meetings and both Bledsoe and Henson turn their heads. He thought that up around the same time he was thinking up new racial slurs.

24 February 2005 ∙ 6:34 AM ∙ Other Sports ∙ Permalink

Since the NFL didn’t have any representatives from the 100/442 Regimental Combat Team as part of their tribute to the Greatest Generation for the Superbowl pre-game, I post here to recognize them.

• 100/442nd RCT became the most decorated unit in U.S. military history for its size and length of service
• 18,000 individual decorations for bravery
• 9,500 Purple Hearts
• Seven Presidential Distinguished Unit Citations

There were so many Purple Hearts because they were sent on the most dangerous missions. These Nisei (second generation Japanese Americans) fought for our country despite the prejudice and civil rights violations they experienced back home.

6 February 2005 ∙ 6:38 PM ∙ Opinions & Other Sports ∙ Permalink

First it was Ron Jaworski, then Sean Salisbury. It is a growing epidemic on ESPN: bow ties. Both former quarterbacks provide solid analysis (Jaworski more so than Salisbury, of course). However, I can not take anyone seriously if they are wearing a bow tie without a tuxedo. This is because the primary donners of this attire are as follows:

1. Playboy Bunnies
2. Clowns (Krusty can pull it off, however.)
3. Mr. Winkle

This fashion trend has me fit to be tied, but I’ll bow out of making any further comments.

28 January 2005 ∙ 6:40 AM ∙ Other Sports ∙ Permalink ∙ Comments: 5

La Agonía, or “The Agony,” an enigmatic climate system of sports futility that previously plagued the New England region and Pennsylvania, has seemingly consolidated itself above Pittsburgh.

No one understands the intricacies of La Agonía, not even foremost expert Dr. William Patzert, oceanographer at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Lab. Dr. Patzert’s research delves mainly into proving that the oceans of the world regulate the workings of this phenomena, as well as examining how the major sports interact under its influence. “The baseball ramifications of Agonía in Boston have been profound and extensive over the course of nearly a century,” says Dr. Patzert. “But, in those intervening years, basketball and hockey were largely unaffected. We have some evidence that football subsystems are able to disperse Agonía, supported by recent events in Massachusetts. Conversely, it seems that baseball fluctuations have a lesser effect, as witnessed by the lack of corollary football success in Arizona, California, and Florida.”

Other researchers have refuted the oceanic origins of La Agonía, positing global electromagnetic fields as the source of tumult. Gary Glatzmaier, professor of Earth Sciences at the University of Santa Cruz, claims that “the fluid dynamics of the earth’s core and the resulting electromagnetic forces impact regional team performance more than bodies of water.” Furthermore, Glatzmaier theorizes that La Agonía might actually be more localized than previously believed, and cites the malaise of the Minnesota Vikings as proof. “Of course, the size of an Agonía-affected area will vary over time. We’re currently seeing the centering of the East Coast Agonía over Pittsburgh, where it used to spread far enough the east to encompass Philadelphia.”

Several owners of major sports teams are anxiously awaiting future data these scientists release. “If there’s anything that can stem the tide of our crushing defeats in the postseason, we need to have it. We need to know how to counteract this thing,” says Red McCombs, owner of the Minnesota Vikings. “We might even consider combining funding for further research with Dan Rooney [Pittsburgh Steelers owner]. Something must be done to stop La Agonía.”

23 January 2005 ∙ 11:11 PM ∙ Humor & Other Sports ∙ Permalink