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Home » July 2010 Game CommentsJuly 2010 » Sweeping Generalizations

Sweeping Generalizations

Top 11 Things I Would Rather Do Instead of Being Swept by the Irksome Rays

  1. Drink 20 Wally Coolattas (I love raspberries but the otherworldly shade of green and splash of orange entrances yet frightens me)
  2. Vote for Nick Swisher for the All-Star game (sorry, looks like it’s my fault Youk isn’t going to Anaheim)
  3. Listen to Ronan Tynan sing “God Bless America”
  4. Evaluate the probability that Gloria James, LeBron James’s mother, will hook up with Miami Heat player(s), where, and what position(s), given her alleged history
  5. Read the doctors’ reports by James Andrews and Lewis Yocum on Jake Peavy’s detached latissimus dorsi muscle
  6. Write, produce, and direct a Sullivan Tire commercial, as I might have delusions of auteurism that I could improve the oeuvre
  7. Or how about an Olympia Sports advertisement? “That’s Jennie Finch.” Really, dude? You didn’t recognize her until she pitched?
  8. Join a reading group with Jason Varitek, J.D. Drew, and Kevin Youkilis. Our next book? Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace.
  9. Have Joe Buck and Tim McCarver in the booth for the remainder of the Red Sox games
  10. Dine on Paul the psychic octopus
  11. Sit next to Robert Szasz for an entire game. Although the inane cowbells might drown out his drone.
Game 85: July 7, 2010
Red Sox
4L: Tim Wakefield (3-7)
2B: David Ortiz (20), Adrian Beltre (25), Darnell McDonald (9)
3B: Daniel Nava (1)
HR: Mike Cameron (2)
6W: David Price (12-4)
S: Matt Garza (1)
HR: Evan Longoria (13)

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