Sweeping Generalizations
Top 11 Things I Would Rather Do Instead of Being Swept by the Irksome Rays
- Drink 20 Wally Coolattas (I love raspberries but the otherworldly shade of green and splash of orange entrances yet frightens me)
- Vote for Nick Swisher for the All-Star game (sorry, looks like it’s my fault Youk isn’t going to Anaheim)
- Listen to Ronan Tynan sing “God Bless America”
- Evaluate the probability that Gloria James, LeBron James’s mother, will hook up with Miami Heat player(s), where, and what position(s), given her alleged history
- Read the doctors’ reports by James Andrews and Lewis Yocum on Jake Peavy’s detached latissimus dorsi muscle
- Write, produce, and direct a Sullivan Tire commercial, as I might have delusions of auteurism that I could improve the oeuvre
- Or how about an Olympia Sports advertisement? “That’s Jennie Finch.” Really, dude? You didn’t recognize her until she pitched?
- Join a reading group with Jason Varitek, J.D. Drew, and Kevin Youkilis. Our next book? Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace.
- Have Joe Buck and Tim McCarver in the booth for the remainder of the Red Sox games
- Dine on Paul the psychic octopus
- Sit next to Robert Szasz for an entire game. Although the inane cowbells might drown out his drone.
| Game 85: July 7, 2010 | ||
| Red Sox 49-36 | 4 | L: Tim Wakefield (3-7) |
| 2B: David Ortiz (20), Adrian Beltre (25), Darnell McDonald (9) 3B: Daniel Nava (1) HR: Mike Cameron (2) | ||
 Rays51-33 | 6 | W: David Price (12-4) S: Matt Garza (1) |
| HR: Evan Longoria (13) | ||
