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Home » HumorFebruary 2007 » His Two Schillings’ Worth

His Two Schillings’ Worth

Curt Schilling impressed the large contingent of media members at the Red Sox spring training facility in Fort Myers, Florida this weekend with his conversational Japanese.

“I am very aroused to be pitching along your great wealth of a thrower, Matsuzaka Daisuke,” Schilling solemnly intoned. “Health and long life towards the hero of the Koshien. Banzai!”

Schilling even attempted to field a few questions in Japanese:

“Do you have a favorite Japanese food?”

“I like Asahi, similar to Daisuke.” The remark elicited laughter as a commercial with Matsuzaka chugging down a glass of the well-known lager was recently released. “I am an adventurer in many things but not foodstuffs. I’ll attempt sushi maybe if consuming it grant me skill to gyroball.”

“What is your blood type?”

“In the power-filled land of America we do not have to respond to queries that are concerning private life. I would be aroused to speak at you about the freedom of America to greater lengths.” (Schilling was unaware that in Japan blood type is considered to be an indicator of personality. “Definitely a Type O,” noted a reporter near me, “just like Matsuzaka.”)

“What advice did you give to Matsuzaka today?”

“Throw most strikes, learn the batters’ weak points, and hear all that hoshu Varitek talks.” (“Hoshu” is one of the Japanese words for catcher. Although there are some similarities between baseball terms in English and Japanese, there are quite a few terms unique to Japanese baseball.)

Later that evening Boston Globe reporter Gordon Edes noted his admiration for Schilling’s performance on NESN. “That takes a lot of guts, to address the members of the foreign press corps in their own language. They were very appreciative and applauded him.”

What Edes did not notice afterwards was how Schilling continued to hound the reporters and photographers following his question and answer session. “He kept on pestering me about how there should be less restrictive law about firearms in Japan,” Amiko Okuyama. “I didn’t want to be rude or anything, so I didn’t mention how I like being from a country where there is less than one gun death, suicide or homicide, per 100,000.”

Junpei Yoshida was similarly solicited by Schilling’s boisterous nature. “He was trying to get dial-in numbers for various sports radio talk shows in Japan. He synched up his Blackberry with mine for all my contacts. He was relentless.” The haggard reporter intimated he might request a different assignment in the US. “Ichiro can be a jerk, but he won’t be requesting interviews all the time.”

Numerous times Matsuzaka was asked if the large media presence discomfited him and he always replied with aplomb that he could handle such scrutiny. Perhaps he had the foresight to know that Schilling would not only be his mentor but his shield.


Absolutely brilliant!!

Thanks for the compliment! Mike has a bit of web brilliance of his own at Matsuzaka Watch, which will continue to cover the pitcher despite Mike's fan affiliation.

Matsuzaka seems to be exactly that sort of player who transcends his team and appeals to baseball fans globally, even in light of the "greatest rivalry in professional sports."

That was incredibly funny. Just to clarify, that wasn't real, was it?

I like what I see, you do a bang up job on your blog. Keep up the good work, I look forward to continue reading in the future.

Any chance you can link me to your site? It'd be greatly appreciated if you could.



When I started reading this piece I actually thought it was real. It's a little like the Orson Welles incident when he read War of the Worlds on the radio and induced mass panic. It's too easy to imagine. The thing that started to break it for me was the amount of information that Schilling could communicate in Japanese. At first, I thought to myself, "Hmm. I guess he took those Japanese lessons really seriously." and then I realized that no matter how seriously he took them, there's no way he could express those ideas this soon. Not with all the hours of EverQuest: The Bloody Sock he plays in the wee hours of the morning.

Which is more likely to happen? Both Curt and Dice throw back to back perfect games or Bronson's Music Career sky rockets in the next 5 years???...


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