Category Listing
Monthly Archive
Baseball Reference
Red Sox Links

Recent Posts
Recent Comments
Essential Empy

Home » HumorFebruary 2006 » Truthiness and Baseball

Truthiness and Baseball

Unlike the French, I am all for the the continual reinvigoration and evolution of language... within limits. This philosophy leads me haphazardly between my virulent mistrust of truncated instant messages (or, “IMs,” if you prefer) and mobile phone texting and my wholesale embracing of flashy neologisms. The English language, vast as it is with its Germanic origins and Latin enhancements, cannot keep apace with this modern world. Fortunately for us, pioneers like Stephen Colbert are here to help us forge a path through these eerie and unknown forests of syntax.

These days, the distinctions between hope and reality, news and spindoctoring, are ever more nebulous. “Truthiness” comes to our rescue. This toothsome word pertains to that which has “the quality of stating concepts one wishes or believes to be true, rather than the facts.” Although the word is new to us, baseball has indulged in fits of truthiness almost from its inception. Here are my top 10 instances of truthiness in baseball history.

  1. Baseball was invented spontaneously by Abner Doubleday in Cooperstown, New York. Tim Wiles’s book on the origins of baseball is an assault on truthiness.
  2. “I’m not here to talk about the past,” said Mark McGwire when responding to a Congressional subpoena but not to actual questions on March 17, 2005.
  3. George Herman Ruth had a tremendous bellyache the entirety of 1925 season.
  4. There was no friction between Larry Lucchino and Theo Epstein.
  5. It’s 310 feet to Fisk’s Pole.
  6. “This is about me and the mistakes I’ve made. I can’t get into specifics because of all the legal matters involved,” quoth Jason Giambi when giving a 45-minute press conference in February of 2005. He did not say the word “steroids” once.
  7. When the Red Sox invited Sam Jethroe, Jackie Robinson, and Marvin Williams to try out for them on April 16, 1945, the club had every intention of honestly evaluating them.
  8. Players cashing in on free agency using every justification but money. Roger Clemens was being truthy when he signed with the Toronto Blue Jays. It is a well-known truthi-ism that this particular Canadian city is closer to Texas than Boston.
  9. Every rule in the MLB book is justifiable; just ask George Brett about 1.10(b), which has since been repealed.
  10. That is Tim McCarver’s natural hair color.

Truthiness. It’s the new black--it goes with everything.

This piece was inspired by NU50’s worship of Colbert and Fiskian Pole Shot’s vast baseball memory.


Great list!

9) For my alias' sake, I must comment upon here. And Pine Tar Power for everyone! And if Selig makes them remove the pine tar from their helmet, I will freak >:P

10) Agreed I don't think "technicolored rainbow" is an actual hair color and Tim McCarver is a damn fool for trying to make it one.

BTW, getting closer to P&C...will we get another installment of Beantown's favorite former 1B defensive replacement/occasional LHP who K'd Palmiero David McCarty?

"I'll be looking over your shoulder, but only because I've got your back."

Piney asked, "BTW, getting closer to P&C...will we get another installment of Beantown's favorite former 1B defensive replacement/occasional LHP who K'd Palmiero David McCarty?"

As a bit of a teaser, while I do have plans to continue the diegeses, they won't be in the exact format that you recall from last season. Stay tuned!

One of my favorite Colbert pronouncements:
"We cannot judge other countries, Jon. We learned that from Star Trek."

This guy is hoping that Dave mastered the fine arts of MIDI, and we can expect all future installments of the diegeses to be in song.

"And once again #1 on the Threat Down: Bears."

Not to be a spoilsport, but it turns out that Toronto IS in fact closer to Houston than Boston is. it's 1,607 miles from Boston to Houston, but only 1,303 from Toronto to Houston. In fact, New York City is even further from Houston than Toronto is; NYC is 1,427 miles from the home of the Astros.

So really, Clemens wasn't being disingenuous when he left here. Toronto has every right to be upset, though.

Well, Andrew let the cat out of the bag. He'll be appearing in some of the diegeses this season as Mr. Geography.

Chris: Let's hit up Yahoo Maps to find the dopest route.
(Image of Yahoo Maps page visible)
Andy: I prefer MapQuest
Chris: That's a good one too.
Andy: Google Maps is the best.
Chris: Tru dat!
Andy and Chris: Double True!
(The words "Double True" appear in Google colors)

« Top « Home » Category ListingMonthly Archive


RSS Feed



  • Visitors to EE since November 2004
  • Boston Phoenix Best of ’06
    Phoenix Best
  • Blog contents, images, and design
    © 2004-2015 by Joanna J.M. Hicks.
    All Rights Reserved.
    Copyrights and trademarks for the books, films, articles, and other materials are held by their respective owners and their use is allowed under the fair use clause of the Copyright Law.