Humor being in the brain of the beholder, I am not wont to criticize others for their forays into the realm of comedy. (And why should I, especially since I have a category labeled “Humor,” which is about as subtle as adding a laugh track to a sitcom.) But I came across this Red State entry that likens certain Red Sox players to Republican figures which for me fell somewhere between an episode of "Small Wonder" and a Jeff Foxworthy monologue on the scale of amusement. One definitely needs to be on the author’s side of the political spectrum to get a chuckle out of the piece. Instead of partisan persiflage, I prefer to engage in breakfast badinage.
Curt Schilling: Western omelette with lots of ham.
Terry Francona: Creampuff. Light as air, but after long exposure his lessons stick with you.
Theo Epstein: Waffles.
David Wells: One dozen Krispy Kreme hot originals. And a beer.
Mike Lowell: Oat bran muffin in the “day olds” bin, except not as cheap.
Keith Foulke: Oatmeal. Plain at first blush, but you can add ingredients to change things up. Allegedly reduces the risk of heart disease.
David Ortiz: Remember when you had pancakes and made a smiley face out of syrup and used pats of butter for the eyes? That’s Big Papi.
Jason Varitek: Three eggs over easy, two pieces of toast with butter (not margarine), bacon, and link sausage.
Jonathan Papelbon and Craig Hansen: Organic dried blueberry granola and green tea. They usher in the New Age of breakfasts, replete with anti-aging properties.
Alex Rodriguez: He’s toast.