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Home » September 2009 Game CommentsSeptember 2009 » Futility


Game 138: September 8, 2009
L: David Hernandez (4-7)
56-82, 1 game losing streak
WinRed Sox10
W: Clay Buchholz (5-3)
80-58, 1 game winning streak
Highlights: Not only was the game full of offense authored by the Red Sox batters but was equally offensive with an onslaught of revenue-generating synergisms orchestrated by Red Sox, Inc. Bermuda Night was replete with Bermudian dandy in a blue and red tricorn, breeches, waistcoat, and coat throwing out the first pitch and a Heidi Watney-Bot adver-view with the Premier of Bermuda that NESN producers forced its audience to listen to during Jason Bay’s at bat in the third.

If I am going to have to sit through these adver-views the least Red Sox, Inc. could do in return is have Mark Teixeira batting fourth for the team.

The Watney-Bot has even rubbed off on Don Orsillo (and I won’t go into what other kinds of rubbing she has inspired). In the introduction Orsillo called Fenway the Friendly Confines. There is only one place that should be called that; don’t disrespect Mr. Cub, Hall of Famer Ernie Banks.

The Orioles had as many relief pitchers as the Red Sox had home runs. Baltimore had one fewer hit than Boston had long balls. The only Oriole to muster an extra base hit was Matt Wieters, but his leadoff double in the fifth was for naught.

How remarkable it would have been if Alex Gonzalez didn’t just miss a circuit clout in the sixth. Had he cleared the wall both he and Dustin Pedroia would have two roundtrippers, something that usually doesn’t happen unless you’re talking about the double play tandem in Philadelphia.

Dave Trembley has either watched too many Rays games or is in cahoots with Red Sox, Inc. to interminably stretch out a lost-cause game with superfluous pitching changes. At the beginning of the game the Orioles relievers were strung along the bullpen bench like birds perched on a telephone wire. By the end of the game they were scattered and disheveled as if harassed by a kid trying out her new pellet gun.

According to Wikipedia, there is no collective noun for orioles. I propose “a futility of orioles.”

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