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Home » May 2007 Game CommentsMay 2007 » Idle


Game 31: May 8, 2007
WinRed Sox 9 W: Josh Beckett (7-0) 21-10, 2 game winning streak
8-2-2 series record
Blue Jays 2 L: Victor Zambrano (0-2) 13-19, 7 game losing streak
4-4-3 series record
Highlights: Dustin Pedroia jacked his first home run of the 2007 season in the second inning with two men on and two out, just as Jerry Remy maligned the rookie for his “big swing.” For some reason Remy is almost Morganesque with his disdain of this particular second baseman. Mike Lowell, Jason Varitek, and Kevin Youkilis also homered off Zambrano. Beckett clipped Toronto’s wings, holding them to five hits and an earned run over seven innings.

Who here is anti-close games on the road? Wow, that many of you. As well you should be, given how pesky the Blue Jays can be. Especially that Aaron Hill character. Who infused him with the spirit of Frank Catalanotto? Obviously Catalanotto crafted a poppet of that Toronto second baseman while on the disabled list, controlling Hill’s movements from afar to torment his nemeses. How he must miss playing the Red Sox 19 times a year to pad his stats.

Blowouts afford fans and broadcasting crews alike the chance to decompress. Rather than a nine-inning stress fest your mind can meander through the game while you test your hand-eye coordination by avoiding yet another Bob’s Furniture commercial with acute remote control manipulation.

For example, Don Orsillo had the opportunity to display his unspeakably awful paper airplane-making skills. He spent far too much time with his replica Green Monster as a youth. And I was able to indulge in my great weakness, “American Idol.”

I think Victor Zambrano is an Idol fan this season like I am. I can’t otherwise explain the rapidity with which he gave up home runs in each consecutive inning. He must have been hurriedly making his way back to the clubhouse after the top of each inning and controlling the remote much better than he ever did his pitches. Then there is the parsimonious explanation of Zambrano’s performance: that he just isn’t that good. In fact, he is very, very bad.

Like how Blake Lewis performed last night. Blake’s delivery of Bee Gees chestnuts was about as smooth as Pat Neshek’s windup. I didn’t realize tweeny girls think Tourette’s Syndrome is hot.

I would like for the Red Sox to arrange blowouts every Tuesday and Wednesday night until the May 23, when my disgusting obsession with America’s most-hyped karaoke contest ends. This assumes that Melinda Doolittle makes it to the finals, of course. If she doesn’t, the show will be further branded as a fraudulent panderer of disposable icons. With Melinda, they have the chance to legitimize themselves.

Melinda sings very much like how Pedro Martinez pitched in his heyday. Every performance is superlative compared to the rank and file, but if she is just a whit below her established standards, she appears to have slipped.

Josh Beckett, while pitching extraordinarily so far, is like Jordin Sparks for me. He is the beneficiary of copious run support while turning in good if not great outings, just as Jordin is the recipient of leniency from the judges on her faults because of her age as she ranges from decent to outstanding. At least Beckett doesn’t participate in anti-choice rallies, as far as I know.

The entire Toronto team is akin to LaKisha Jones, who came in like gangbusters in the first show with her show-stopping “And I’m Telling You I’m Not Going” but has failed to impassion a strong fan base or grow as much as others have a performer over the course of the show. Just as the splashy acquisitions the Blue Jays have made neglected to parlay them into the playoffs, LaKisha’s early breakout will not sustain her into the finals.

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