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Home » July 2005 Game CommentsJuly 2005 » Decline


Game 92: July 18, 2005
Devil Rays (32-62), 3
Red Sox (50-42), 1
W: Scott Kazmir (4-7)
H: Travis Harper (9)
H: Joe Borowski (3)
S: Danys Baez (17)
L: Wade Miller (2-4)

The best thing we could have hoped for was Lou Piniella having an extended tantrum in the 9th inning. I wanted one of his patented moves, like the first base grab and toss or the hat kick. But this is the homefield of the world champions; he could have innovated and climbed the screen behind home plate and then hurled himself at Laz Diaz. The foul poles should be rigged with fireworks that are set off in coordination with Piniella’s entrance music. Also, the garage doors should be limned with neon, with a ramp for dramatic entrances and exits. I demand this for all future Devil Ray games.

I probably would have enjoyed watching Alien vs. Predator more than this game. This movie inspired the following reviews:

“[Alien vs. Predator] is in desperate need of a bigger steel cage and a whole lot more smackdown.”
Bob Longino, Atlanta Journal-Constitution

“One thing is certain: Nobody is going to be demanding a rematch.”
Lou Lumenick, New York Post

“Paul Simon and Bob Dylan. Elton John and Billy Joel. Alien vs. Predator is just another contrived combination of two former chartbusters who perform their greatest hits before coming together for a duet at the end.”
John Monaghan, Detroit Free Press

“This is a sad end for two profitable Hollywood franchises, which now seem to be at an end. The movie bills itself as some sort of ultimate hunt. Instead, it’s merely a mercy killing.”
Stephen Whitty, Newark Star-Ledger

“‘Whoever Wins...We Lose!’ Thank you, Fox, for the truth in your advertising.”
Collin Souter, efilmcritic.com

“We never confused Godzilla vs. Mothra with actual cinema as kids, so why are we doing so with this one? It’s fun!”
John Venable, supercala.com

“There isn’t a performance in the movie worth noting, unless one is noting inabilities.”
Randy Shulman, Metro Weekly (Washington D.C.)

“A more accurate title might have been Audience vs. Cliche.”
Paul Sherman, Boston Herald

Not only did Boston lose, but Johnny Damon’s hit streak ended at 29.

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