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Home » Dave’s DiegesesMay 2005 » Dave’s Diegesis: The Decision

Dave’s Diegesis: The Decision

EE: As much as I would like to, I can’t take another trip to interview another candidate. The EE coffers are nearly empty. We’ve got to go with the folks we’ve seen so far.

dEEvil: You should really pick Mike Mussina. I’m certain your fanbase would love that. [Cackle]

angEEl: Don’t be tempted by the dark side, EE. Consume you it will, as a friend once told me.

dEEvil: What’s dark about Mussina?

angEEl: His hair, his eyes, his heart, and his intentions.

dEEvil: Typical naïve goodness. Evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.

angEEl: Are not!

dEEvil: Is to!

angEEl: Are not!

EE: Guys... and by “guys” I mean imaginary apparitions of me at about 1/20 scale perched on each of my shoulders with the requisite horns, tail, and pitchfork and wings and halo, respectively... calm down. There’s a choice we’re making....

dEEvil and angEEl: [Singing] We’re saving our own lives....

EE: I hate you both.

dEEvil and angEEl: [Snigger]

EE: So, who’s it going to be?

angEEl: You must take into account the 1,972 voice mails you’ve gotten from David. He truly misses his weekly chance to shine.

dEEvil: I particularly liked message number 784, where he proffers up his soul. That’ll get him places. In fact, hold on a sec. [Whips out mobile phone.]

dEEvil: [Into the phone] Yo, Belial. Did that deal we were considering go through or what? No kidding? Excellent. Tell Dantalian “hi.” Talk to ya.

dEEvil: Okay, then, I’m fine with McCarty.

angEEl: Hold on a second, I don’t like how that sounded. Was that about David?

dEEvil: No, of course not.

angEEl: Ah, all right. [Smiles placidly]

EE: [Sighs] If we go with McCarty, we go with what the readers want. I’m all about making them happy. Except if they are Canadians, of course.

angEEl: Heaven’s coming out with a encyclical about them, and it was determined they have no soul.

EE: That was pretty apparent with Alan Thicke.

dEEvil: About time. The exchange rate for Canadian souls was paltry.

EE: Anyway, I’ll give Dave a call. Hopefully he’ll have time to do this.

dEEvil: He probably has time to broker peace in the Middle East.

angEEl: Or invent cold fusion.

dEEvil: Hey, that was pretty good, wingy.

angEEl: I have my moments, my hooved friend.

EE: [Sighs] Not even my internal dialogues are unique.


Huzzah! Dave McCarty is back! All is right with the world again!

Can I put away my prayer beads now? ;)

To be fair, I'm not a Canadian. I'm just playing one for a year. It's good to see Dave's going to have something to do with all his spare time after all.

What's it like to play Canadian? Anything like playing possum?

Note: The views expressed by satiric EE are not necessarily those of real life EE. Real life EE hates everyone.

It's true we make a brighter day, just you and me yeah ee yeah ah eeah

Can you tell that was the Stevie Wonder part?

Playing a Canadian is basically like doing the voices for a 'Care Bears' movie, but more sugary and accepting. And with more hockey. But in a good way.

The right choice. Just because he's gone doesn't mean he should be forgotten by loyal Sox. This is what makes us great fans. Or, uh, something.

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