Category Listing
Monthly Archive
Baseball Reference
Red Sox Links

Recent Posts
Recent Comments
Essential Empy

Home » Dave’s DiegesesMay 2005 » Dave’s Diegesis: Replacement Candidate #2

Dave’s Diegesis: Replacement Candidate #2

The Scene
Lula Lounge, Toronto. Open mic night.

EE: Is Miguel Batista performing tonight?

Bouncer: Yes, and it’s $5 cover.

EE: Can you give me a receipt on that? Because I’m doing this for this site I write for, and I’m expensing this trip, so....

Bouncer: No receipt.

EE: Okay, so can I, like, listen to him from the doorway?

Bouncer: No, it’s against the fire code.

EE: [sighs] Here it is.

[EE correspondent makes her way to a table where a guy is already seated but one seat is open.]

EE: Is this seat taken?

Guy: Not at all. You here to hear Miguel?

EE: Yes, I’m scouting him out for a column for the blog I write. We might go in a new direction for one of the columns.

Guy: [snorts] A blog? Doesn’t everyone have one of those?

[Miguel Batista strides onto the stage with an acoustic guitar. He seats himself on a barstool in the middle of the stage. A lone spotlight shines on him. He strums a violent chord.]

Batista: Placental beings overtake oviparous sluggards, fur flies

[Light, rhythmic strumming, more subdued than his initial attack.]

Batista: Flight evolved in parallel paths
Freed from the ground, rules in the sky

[Executes a rapid flamenco-like flourish.]

Batista: Flashback, screen wipe
Rivera yells “Catch the ball!”
Futile syllables aloft

[Batista bows. A smattering of applause.]

Heckler: Good thing you make $4.75M a year. I’d pay you that much to get off the stage!

Guy: Ugh. No one appreciates art these days.

EE: [whispers into iPod voice recorder] See if Lance Berkman might be interested.

Every Friday, Dave McCarty used to join us to discuss a topic of interest to him and probably no one else but the author of this site. Since he was designated for assignment recently and will mostly like retire, EE is in the process of finding a replacement. Special thanks to Andrew of 12eight for the Miguel Batista suggestion. He’s a fan of “bad puns.” This seems to indicate that he believes good puns exist. Who will break the truth to him?


Ugh...Can we vote more than once......For the same person.....Please???

I must stick with my gut and say keep Dave....Keep Dave...KEEP DAVE...Come on, everybody...say it with me...



Let's give it some time. See what other candidates might pop up before we jump on the "Keep Dave!!" bandwagon. Maybe we'll get lucky and Dave will sign on with a front office somewhere, and he can still have some free time for commentary. However we may have to resign ourselves that Dave might want to move on. Give the potentials a little slack though.

Aw, you caught up with Miguel at a bad time. You should have dropped by the clubhouse while he was curled up with Herman Melville.

The stunning truth about puns is that the bad ones and the good ones are the same thing. It's all about the delivery.

I say keep Dave...but if you really wanna have some fun and don't mind using a retired by, Leskanic would be a great replacement. Or Millar. Millar would do anything. And I'm sure Schill's not up to much these days. Bellhorn would be a funny dude too.

*shrugs shoulders* just some suggestions.

I have to say that there will always be a special place in my heart for Mr. McCarty, but in this case the search is turning out to be just as much fun as the result.

« Top « Home » Category ListingMonthly Archive


RSS Feed



  • Visitors to EE since November 2004
  • Boston Phoenix Best of ’06
    Phoenix Best
  • Blog contents, images, and design
    © 2004-2015 by Joanna J.M. Hicks.
    All Rights Reserved.
    Copyrights and trademarks for the books, films, articles, and other materials are held by their respective owners and their use is allowed under the fair use clause of the Copyright Law.