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Home » HumorJanuary 2005 » Find Your Game Face

Find Your Game Face

Nike_pujols

ALBERT PUJOLS: THE DECOYER
PUJOLS’S GAME FACE IS UNRELENTING, LIKE A GOANNA FORAGING FOR TURTLE EGGS. HE IS UNSTOPPABLE, SAVE FOR THE 2004 WORLD SERIES, WHERE HIS OBP WAS A LESS THAN STELLAR .412 AND 0 RBI.

Nike_rivera

MARIANO RIVERA: THE VOLDO IMPERSONATOR
RIVERA BRINGS OPPONENTS TO THEIR KNEES BECAUSE OF THE HINKY VIBE HIS MASK CONVEYS. IT’S SORT OF PSEUDO-SADOMASOCHISTIC, ISN’T IT? PERFECT FOR GENUFLECTING TO HIS OWNER, BILL MUELLER.

Nike_roethlisberger


BEN ROETHLISBERGER: THE FROZEN STARE
THE SLICING TOOL ON HIS HEAD IS IDEAL FOR CUTTING THE BURGERS THAT ARE HIS NAMESAKE. THE MENACING METALLIC SHEEN HIDES THE GLAZED LOOK THAT OVERCOMES HIM WHEN HE SEES A PATRIOTS DEFENSIVE SCHEME.




FIND YOUR GAME FACE. And discover which other opposing players the teams of New England own.

Comments

HAHAHAHHAHAHA! I never realized that....they're all owned by New England region teams....suck it! :D

I can imagine Manny in a Richard Nixon mask....of course this would be by accident because his sat on his previous mask when he was reading a magazine waiting for the shoot....so he'd improvise and steal a Richard Nixon mask off some hippie

Then Trot Nixon would come out of nowhere, abscond the Tricky Dick mask, and give Manny a Buttercup (from the Powerpuff Girls) mask. They would run for governor and lieutenant governor, respectively, of Massachusetts, and win by a landslide. Their platform would be unlimited ability to wiretap and more cookies before naptime.

*in Guiness beer english dudes' voices* Brilliant!

Honestly, if anybody from the 04 Red Sox run for Governer of MA or any other New England state, they'd probably end up winning in a landslide. Especially Tek or Dave Roberts.

Honestly, Tek could be caught kicking puppies at the ASPCA and people would be saying "Well, he helped us win it all. And that puppy probably deserved it."

Two things:
1. I'll take a .412 OBP from anyone in the post-season.
2. I don't think those "Guiness dudes" are English.

Tom Clancy, I should have amended Pujols's stats to .412 OBP and 0 RBI. Compared to say, David Ortiz's WS of .471 and 4 RBIs or Manny Ramirez's .500 OBP and 4 RBIs.

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