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Home » 2004 News & HumorDecember 2004 » Hub Hero

Hub Hero

Theo Epstein was named Bostonian of the Year by the Boston Globe Magazine. The Architect he is called, and not in the AI that devised the Matrix sense. He designed the team that finally won it all, so all the acclaim garnered is well earned. But he, like Bill James, is extraordinarily private, although his family says “Theo’s girlfriend is a critical presence in his life.” Which is a telling quote that serves as the lead-in to:

Top 11 Critical Things Theo’s Girlfriend Says to Him
11. Aren’t there some other hats you can wear besides the one with that funny “B” on them?
10. You have a BA from Yale and a JD. Can’t you get a better job?
9. Well, if you don’t want me breaking your precious cell phone, don’t leave it lying around.
8. There’s all these Bill Jamison books in the bathroom. Be a dear and put them away.
7. Why can’t you come visit my relatives in October? Some stupid games?
6. That shirt from October STILL smells like stale champagne. Will you get rid of it?
5. I thought you were important at the Red Sox; why do you get seats behind that guy with the mask? You have to look at his fat butt the entire game.
4. I tossed out that weird trophy with all the little gold flags. It clashed.
3. Why are they putting up Ks? Doesn’t Curt’s name start with a “C”?
2. Well, as long as you don’t shave your head like in 2003.
1. How was I supposed to know that the voice mail from Billy Beanhead or whatever was important?

This list appears in a slightly different form in The Soxaholix. My lists go to 11, just like BBspot and Nigel’s amps.

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