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Home » Monthly Archive » October 2011

October 12, 2011

Toppling of the Theocracy

Dear Chicago Cubs Fans,

You are in for a treat with Theo Epstein signing a five-year deal with your club. One of the most outstanding general managers in the sport will be haunting the halls of 1060 West Addison soon, and I daresay that the ghosts of past doomed seasons will be dispelled soon.

The Curse of the Billy Goat might be broken by Boston’s scapegoat.

Not to entirely absolve Epstein of his accountability in the Red Sox historic September collapse. He shopped for the groceries and for most of the season constructed scrumptious dinners. He wasn’t completely his fault that John Lackey, Josh Beckett, and Jon Lester opted for beer and fried chicken instead. For every free agent flop (Lackey, Julio Lugo, Edgar Renteria) there was draft day domination (Dustin Pedroia, Jacoby Ellsbury, Daniel Bard, Justin Masterson, Jonathan Papelbon, Clay Buchholz). Sadly, it has been said that Buchholz was on the fringes of the slacker starting pitcher clique.

Don’t be too alarmed if he drafts an undersized infielder or a fringey outfielder. They might end up producing MVP-caliber numbers. Perhaps he’ll turn around his free agent acquisition record.

I envy you the baseball mind that will lead your North Siders, but I am sure you covet the world championships the Red Sox won under Epstein’s auspices.

Kind regards,

October 5, 2011

Overhaul at Yawkey Way

Since 2003 John W. Henry and his off-field team has remade Fenway Park. After the colossal collapse this September on-field management has been the next feature to be renovated.

The latest shocker out of 4 Yawkey Way was the unjust canning of first base coach Ron Johnson. Johnson was with the Red Sox organization for 12 years and the last two seasons was served as Terry Francona’s first base coach.

Despite faithfully and dutifully fulfilling all that was required of him in the essential position… wait a second. What do first base coaches do anyway? They are responsible for the runner upon departure from the batter’s box until the time the runner leaves first? That’s it?

This particular Ron Johnson doesn’t even appear on the Wikipedia disambiguation page for his name.

With runners’ mishaps at third and home plate I thought Tim Bogar would be the next to go. Also, the rumblings about starting pitchers imbibing beers in the clubhouse would seem to jeopardize Curt Young’s employment.

Meanwhile, Red Sox senior management and ownership are mulling over giving permission for the Cubs to recruit Theo Epstein.

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