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Entries from Empyreal Environs tagged with “Colon (Bartolo)”

Colon Blow

Why won’t Bartolo Colon blow like he did for the Red Sox? Colon Blow. Sounds delicious. But now there’s new Super Colon Blow. Colon, reanimated from his 2006-2009 torpor by way of stem cell treatment of his shoulder and elbow, pitched for only 4⅔ innings and departed the mound with the bases loaded, two out, his team down two runs, and an MVP-caliber batter ready to break open the game. Joe Girardi’s rash managerial style worked in his favor in this instance. He called Boone Logan from the bullpen and the southpaw reliever struck out Adrian Gonzalez with three pitches. Awkard, tentative swings by Gonzalez are as rare as the vaquita, the world’s smallest and most endangered cetacean. David Ortiz took his displeasure with official scorer Chaz Scoggins out on Colon in the fourth with a two-out solo bomb that cleared the Red Sox bullpen. Scoggins had removed an RBI from Ortiz’s statistics from the game against Cleveland on August 3 after a Cleveland public relations staffer passed on a message from Tim Belcher, Cleveland’s pitching coach. Guess who isn’t getting invited to next David Ortiz Celebrity Golf Classic? The Bronx Bromides scored all three of their runs in the...

Catch Me at the X with OG at a Yankee Game

Joba Chamberlain might want to visit Bartolo Colon’s physician, Joseph Purita, and get stem cells from his abundance of fat injected… somewhere to halt his precipitous decline. Colon, who held the Red Sox to two runs over six innings, has revitalized his career with Purita’s stem cell therapy, but it is worth noting that this doctor has used human growth hormone in his procedures on non-athletes. Colon qualifies as a non-athlete, I would think. Three years ago he compiled a 4-2 record over 39 innings pitch with a 119 ERA+, a touch above average. While the Red Sox rolled into the playoffs Colon was placed on the suspended list in September of 2008 because he declined to leave the Dominican Republic after he went there to attend to personal matters. After the Purita procedure he is amongst his team’s better starters: second to CC Sabathia in strikeouts (44 to 41), second to A.J. Burnett in WHIP (1.25 to 1.13), and first in K/BB (4.10, with Sabathia trailing at 2.44). Colon was supposed to address questions about MLB’s investigation into his off-season surgery after the game, but he referred reporters to the Players’ Association. I would rather have the Great Shave...


Game 148: September 13, 2008 Blue Jays 5 H: Jesse Carlson (17)H: Brandon League (4)BS, L: Scott Downs (4, 0-3) 80-69, 1 game losing streak Red Sox 7 W: Justin Masterson (6-4)S: Jonathan Papelbon (37) 87-61, 1 game winning streak Highlights: Boston enjoyed their third eighth-inning comeback this season in the second game of yesterday’s day-night doubleheader. Tampa Bay also split their doubleheader with the Yankees, so this win was key in keeping the Red Sox within breathing distance of the AL East leaders. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one who held their breath with Jonathan Papelbon on the mound even though he was facing the lower end of the Blue Jays’ lineup. Lyle Overbay turned over on the first fastball he saw and grounded out to Dustin Pedroia, so the first out came easily enough. Red Sox fans’ respiration was partially restored.Sophomore Adam Lind proved to be a tougher out. Papelbon started him off with a couple of fastballs and then altered his approach with breaking pitches every two fastballs. Lind stubbornly fouled off five of the seven pitches he saw, but the variations undid Lind, who went down swinging.Against Scott Rolen the closer went for brute...


Game 127: August 20, 2008 Red Sox 6 L: Clay Buchholz (2-9) 73-54, 1 game losing streak Orioles 11 W: Chris Waters (2-0) 61-65, 1 game winning streak Highlights: Last night the Orioles got back all of the hits and runs they were deprived of back on September 1, 2007. Is Clay Buchholz the next Billy Rohr but with a better story? Buchholz got the no-hitter while Rohr fell one hit short, Buchholz got the World Series ring while the 1967 Red Sox got to be runners-up in one of the best Fall Classics ever. Rohr’s major league career lasted a mere two years, Clay’s future is hazy. I don’t have a living memory of Billy Rohr but I have seen clips from his auspicious debut on April 14, 1967, a game where the 21-year old carried a no-hitter into the ninth. His brush with baseball history happened in Yankee Stadium, which is probably why Rohr is still remembered. The game log dryly recounts the first out of the second half of the ninth inning as “Flyball: LF,” but the image of Carl Yastrzemski at full sprint to intercept Tom Tresh’s screamer is seared into my mind. In The...


Game 73: June 16, 2008 Red Sox 2 L: Bartolo Colon (4-2) 44-29, 1 game losing streak Phillies 8 W: Cole Hamels (7-4) 42-30, 1 game winning streak Highlights: I’m actually in agreement with Hank Steinbrenner about something: I wouldn’t mind seeing the designated hitter rule in the senior circuit. Except I'm not such an idiot as to say, “The National League needs to join the 21st century.... That was a rule from the 1800s.” The designated hitter rule (6.10) was instituted in 1973. I love interleague play but it is ludicrous that the two leagues play under different rules. MLB has to make like East and West Germany in 1990 and partake in die Wende (“the turning point”) for themselves. No more turning ankles of pitchers ambling about the bases or the wrenching of their backs when taking awkward hacks at the dish.At least Bartolo Colon had a laugh at his expense at his fourth-inning imitation of a member of the Mevlevi Order. Colon corkscrewed his body with such force his helmet spun off his head and continued to gyrate when it dropped to the ground. He was placed on the 15-day disabled list with a stiff lower...


Game 68: June 11, 2008 Orioles 3 L: Garrett Olson (5-2) 32-32, 1 game losing streak Red Sox 6 W: Bartolo Colon (4-1)S: Jonathan Papelbon (19) 41-27, 1 game winning streak Highlights: Colon recovered from his prior poor showing to notch his fourth win of the season, going six innings with seven strikeouts and one base on balls. The only mar on his line was a solo shot by the seemingly unstoppable Luke Scott. The Red Sox’s first inning secured the early and last lead. Jason Varitek powered the rally with his three-run homer to the standing room only section of the Monster seats. My retinas were seared by Don Orsillo’s buttercream jacket and matching (?) yellow and red striped tie. So vibrant was the ensemble that after seeing him on screen for a while when the shot would switch back to the on-field action the afterimage superimposed itself over the players. It was like watching the game with an old-fashioned test pattern overlaying the field.Jerry Remy said that Terry Francona gave Orsillo the business when he saw the play by play man’s outfit. I can imagine the ribbing: Can I have fries with that? Is that inspired by...


Game 64: June 6, 2008 Mariners 8 W: Felix Hernandez (4-5) 22-39, 1 game winning streak Red Sox 0 L: Bartolo Colon (3-1) 38-26, 1 game losing streak Highlights: When Don Orsillo utters the phrase, “I think I’m going to put Rogaine on my chest” you know it’s been a terrible game. In Mariners-related trivia, Ryan Rowland-Smith is the first player in the major leagues with a hyphenated surname. So much for a brawl firing up the team. The Red Sox batters came up flat against Felix Hernandez, but that is to be expected because, well, he’s Felix Hernandez. The pre-game show stated that Hernandez is third behind Dwight Gooden (892) and Fernando Valenzuela (584) in strikeouts before reaching the age of 23 since 1980. The 22-year old added five whiffs to bring his career total to 492.Eight Mariner runs, eight suspensions doled out for Thursday’s fracas: an odd and sobering symmetry. Coco Crisp: 7 games (appealed) Jon Lester: 5 games (accepted) Sean Casey: 3 games (pending) James Shields: 6 games Jonny Gomes: 5 games Edwin Jackson: 5 games Carl Crawford: 4 games Akinori Iwamura: 3 games Don’t ask me why Lester’s name is there, ask Bob Watson. Bartolo...


Game 59: June 1, 2008 Red Sox 9 W: Bartolo Colon (3-0) 35-24, 3 game winning streak Orioles 4 L: Brian Burres (4-5) 26-29, 4 game losing streak Highlights: Steve Trachsel turned what was a leisurely Sunday win into a long-drawn-out affair. His five innings of toil seemed to last twice as long as Burres’s four frames even though the latter ceded 12 hits and seven earned runs, including two taters. It was a day of padding batting statistics against an ailing team. Manny Ramirez, Mike Lowell, and J.D. Drew homered and Ramirez and Lowell also doubled. The pressure lifted from Ramirez’s shoulders now that he met his milestone was palpable and timely given the sidelining of David Ortiz.Bartolo Colon turned in another competent outing of six innings, seven hits, four earned runs, two walks, five strikeouts, and a home run to the surprising Luke Scott. The Red Sox were able to option Clay Buchholz to Pawtucket because Colon has been able to regain the posture of a passable major league pitcher, if not the physique of one.Another sign of Boston fans’ domination at Camden Yards: not only do they foist Red Sox banners and tributes to Don Orsillo...


Game 54: May 26, 2008 Red Sox 5 W: Bartolo Colon (2-0) 32-22, 1 game winning streak Mariners 3 L: Felix Hernandez (2-5) 18-34, 7 game losing streak Highlights: The first image I see when I switched over to NESN is Bartolo Colon drinking some Starbucks. There was also a carafe in the dugout with more java readily available. But all the caffeine in the world couldn’t energize the flagging Mariners and their poor record, which is the worst in the majors. David Ortiz homered in the fourth right about the same time Rasheed Wallace got his fifth foul. The former event helped lead the team to victory while the latter was yet another advantage that the Celtics failed to capitalize on in their Game 4 loss. Felix Hernandez need not sign up for Weight Watchers; looking across the field at Bartolo Colon should be deterrent enough for the younger pitcher to win his battle against weight gain. Although Hernandez’s career is on the ascent while Colon attempts to relaunch his own, it was the visiting pitcher who triumphed last night thanks to a late inning offensive flareup.Jason Varitek wore camouflage gear in honor of Memorial Day, looking a...


Game 49: May 21, 2008 Royals 3 L: Brett Tomko (2-5) 21-25, 3 game losing streak Red Sox 6 W: Bartolo Colon (1-0)H: Craig Hansen (2)H: Javier Lopez (6) 30-19, 6 game winning streak Highlights: At one time Colon inspired fear in more than just all-you-can-eat buffet operators. In 2005 he had a career-best 21 wins for the Angels, sported a 3.48 ERA, and won the Cy Young award. His win total definitely swayed voters as that season Johan Santana pitched more innings (232 compared to 223), had more strikeouts (238 to 157) and maintained a lower ERA (2.87) and WHIP (.97 versus 1.16). Injuries and weight problems submarined his career to the point that he was willing to sign a minor league deal with the Red Sox in February to attempt a comeback. Bartolo Colon was less than his 2005 self but much improved over the Colon of the past two years. He lasted the minimum to secure a win, his first since June 14, 2007, an interleague game against the Reds. Colon’s line of five innings pitched with six hits, two earned runs, two walks, and four strikeouts are in line with his projected role as a...

Schilling Expresses Relief

With the signing of Bartolo Colon to a minor league contract, Curt Schilling demonstrated marked relief. “This is awesome! That butterball eats so much, most of the food that supplies the big league club will have to be trucked down to Pawtucket. There won’t be as much food around here to tempt me to break my weight clause.” Showing off his relatively svelte figure to the group of media people he cornered, Schilling also stated his hopes that Colon might contribute to the major league club this season. “And if he manages to make the roster, I’ll be sure to stand near him so I’ll look even thinner than I appear now.” Terry Francona, who signed a three-year extension today, had some concerns about both Schilling and Colon in the same clubhouse. “Wouldn’t that much mass potentially warp the fabric of the space-time continuum?” “Or would they be more like a binary star system, like 61 Cygni?” When questioned about whether Colon or Schilling could still be considered stars, Francona backed off the twin star comparison. “Now that I think about it, Cygni is made up of two K class stars, which are on the smaller side. These guys are...


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