Jarrod Saltalamacchia supported his battery mate with a two-out double to right in the fourth. Cody Ross joined the backstop on the basepaths with a four-pitch walk. Nursing his second cup of coffee as long as he can while still trying to woo Erin Andrews, Nava looped the ball into left field. Matt Joyce seemed in on Nava’s ploy with his failed dive for the bloop RBI single. B.J. Upton’s feckless throw allowed Nava to take second — or maybe everyone wants Nava to have a chance with the ESPN personality.

The tie lasted until the sixth. Luke Scott’s sacrifice fly to right, which allowed Joyce to tag up and score what would be the winning run. Ross got twisted around attempting the play the ball, similarly to how Scott twists around the truth about Barack Obama’s citizenship.

Something as frightening as Scott’s political views unfolded in the eighth. After being hit in the elbow by Franklin Morales’s heater Will Rhymes took his base but then motioned to be taken out of the game. He collapsed and seemed on the brink of losing consciousness. He was carted off but x-rays were negative. Morales and Rhymes worked it out like all celebrities do these days: via Twitter. Although Morales doesn’t have his own presence and used Providence Journal reporter Brian MacPherson’s account. Morales also texted Rhymes to smooth things over.

When I step up in the place
Ay yo I step correct
Woo-hah
Got you all in check
I got that head nod shit
Make you break your neck
Woo-hah
I got you all in check

Game 37: May 16, 2012
Boston Red Sox 17-20	1	L: Clay Buchholz (4-2)
		2B: Mike Aviles (12), Jarrod Saltalamacchia (9)
Tampa Bay Rays 24-14	2	W: Jeremy Hellickson (4-0)
		No extra base hits

It was a touch of Steinbergian genius to have Doug Mirabelli enter the field in a police car, reenacting his 2006 return to the Red Sox as Wakefield’s personal catcher. Before his ceremonial first pitch Wakefield swung his arm back and forth to shake off the rust. He looked as if he could don the spikes in a minute and step in if Beckett failed. Mirabelli — not so much. Hopefully after his speech David Ortiz spent a few minutes with Mirabelli for some fitness tips.

Ortiz broke the scoreless tie in the third with a blast into the visitors’ bullpen. How must that make a reliever feel to be assailed by a harbinger of their impending doom? If a rookie reliever were posed with the quandary ”would you rather wear this backpack 24-7 or face Ortiz,” I think he would choose the former.

Game 36: May 15, 2012
Seattle Mariners 16-22	0	L: Blake Beavan (1-4)
		No extra base hits
Boston Red Sox 17-19	5	W: Josh Beckett (3-4)
		2B: Mike Aviles – 2 (11), Jarrod Saltalamacchia (8) HR: David Ortiz (8)

The Onion’s horoscope for Taureans said, “Despite your efforts to be a modern-day hero, you will slowly develop into a postmodern-era Internet meme.” This suits Valentine better than any current manager in the majors.

There’s the fake mustache incident, of course.

A music video of Deen’s song “Diamond” that heavily features Valentine.

And who could pass up the Bobby burger garnished with pineapple? It’s Magic! It’s American! Just like Bobby V himself.

Game 34: May 13, 2012
Cleveland Indians 18-16	1	L: Justin Masterson (1-3)
		2B: Michael Brantley – 2 (12)
Boston Red Sox 15-19	12	W: Daniel Bard (3-4)
		2B: Adrian Gonzalez – 2 (13), Daniel Nava – 2 (4), Dustin Pedroia (13) HR: Will Middlebrooks (4), Jarrod Saltalamacchia (5)

Orsillo and Remy proved they could do play-by-play of sports with more action in the aftermath of Cody Ross’s sixth inning home run. The ball soared over the left field wall into the parking lot. One pursuer fell on the ramp (“took a diggah” in Remy’s Somerset parlance) and it appeared that one attendant had solitary claim to the ball. That attendant got caught up in laughing at his fallen competition and was out-hustled by the man with “Staff” emblazoned on his back.

With all the hubbub around Orsillo’s catch of the monstrous hammerhead shark the duo continued the theme yesterday by characterizing themselves as sea creatures. With very little hesitation Remy said “hermit crab,” a perfect fit. He fessed up that this was a suggestion from the truck. Orsillo said he was a sea turtle because of how he awoke the amorous feelings such a creature on a Red Sox cruise scuba dive.

Fourth starter Felix Doubront pitched like starters one through three should be: 6 innings, 3 hits, 1 earned run, 2 walks, and 5 strikeouts. The sole run Cleveland scored came in the sixth when Doubront’s pitch count went above 100 and his effectiveness wavered. Lou Marson led off the frame with a sinking line drive to right that Ross dove after and missed.

It wasn’t Ryan Sweeney backing up the play but Dustin Pedroia. The second baseman ran like a hellion from the infield to gather the ball and relay it to the keystone sack for at least a chance to get Marson out.

Marson advanced to third on Michael Brantley’s ground out. Adrian Gonzalez flipped to Doubront, who dutifully covered first. On the next play, however, Doubront spectated when Jason Kipnis’s grounder skipped to Gonzalez. Doubront’s delay allowed Marson to score.

Marson’s run at least erased his part in Daniel Nava’s fourth inning score. Nava led off with a liner to left and took third on Jarrod Saltalamacchia’s ground-rule double to right. Mike Aviles arced a low fly ball to left and Nava was inching up the line. When Nava saw that the ball was going to be caught he returned to third to tag up. Shelley Duncan’s throw to Marson was in time and on target but Nava got his foot on the plate. The Cleveland catcher simply lacked Variteknique.

For the second out of the ninth Alfredo Aceves fielded Asdrubal Cabrera’s tapper and threw a seed to Gonzalez, nearly taking the first baseman’s mitt off. Gonzalez must have been happy the game of hot potato (“puhdayda” for those in New Bedford and surrounding towns) was over and Aceves struck out Carlos Santana for the final out.

Game 33: May 12, 2012
Cleveland Indians 18-15	1	L: Zach McAllister (1-1)
		2B: Lou Marson (2)
Boston Red Sox 14-19	4	W: Felix Doubront (3-1) H: Andrew Miller (1) H: Vicente Padilla (5) S: Alfredo Aceves (7)
		2B: Dustin Pedroia (12), David Ortiz (14), Jarrod Saltalamacchia (7) HR: Cody Ross (6)

Buchholz benefited from run support and defense last night. The visitors threatened when Jack Hannahan doubled with one out. Hannahan remained at second when Johnny Damon popped out to Dustin Pedroia. Boston’s razor-thin 2-1 lead was in jeopardy when Jason Kipnis’s liner evaded Nick Punto’s glove. Daniel Nava fielded the ball on one hop and quickly fired to home plate while Steve Smith sent Hannahan home a nanosecond too late. With Variteknique Jarrod Saltalamacchia blocked the plate to prevent Hannahan from scoring the tying run.

Derryl Cousins’s call resulted in Cleveland’s third base coach Smith’s ejection. Funny that Smith’s delayed decision gave him the night off. Perhaps that was his plan.

In the top of the third NESN played “At Fenway” by Brian “the Croonerman”Evans. To damn with faint praise at least it's better than “Gyro Ball.” It’s just not as evocative as the “Tessie” remake by the Dropkick Murphys or as spirited as “Dirty Water.” Perhaps it’s me, but Fenway doesn’t call to mind the big band era. I’m holding out hope that someday State Radio will come out with a Red Sox or Fenway tune. Until then there’s “Knights of Bostonia.”

See all the fun Chad Urmston and crew are having? That is the fun that has been missing from watching the 2012 version of the Red Sox. Every lead seems in peril and every deficit unconquerable. Will they, can they turn it around?

Restless nights, the innocent street
A fist to fight, a summer to keep
We are the knights of junkyard raid
The trusty steed and a summer to save

Game 32: May 11, 2012
Cleveland Indians 18-14	5	L: Ubaldo Jimenez (3-3)
		2B: Jack Hannahan (6), Shin-Soo Choo (7)
Boston Red Sox 13-19	7	W: Clay Buchholz (4-1) H: Andrew Miller (1) H: Franklin Morales (7) H: Vicente Padilla (4) S: Alfredo Aceves (6)
		2B: Will Middlebrooks (5), Dustin Pedroia (11), Daniel Nava (2), Adrian Gonzalez – 2 (11), Cody Ross (7)

Josh Beckett probably wished it were as silent during his departure in the third inning. He was serenaded by a chorus of jeers. Even if he hadn’t made the news recently for golfing two days before his scratched start he still deserved the taunting given his line: 2⅓ innings pitched, 7 hits, 7 earned runs, 2 walks, 2 strikeouts, and 2 home runs.

Meanwhile Derek Lowe induced 12 ground outs and posted a quality start: 6 innings pitched, 9 hits, 2 earned runs, 1 base on balls, and 3 strikeouts. So far this season Lowe has a ERA+ of 157. It made me think that perhaps Lowe would have been a better option than John Lackey, but comparing the two pitchers across 2010-11 there wasn’t a significant improvement. Lowe’s WAR was 2.7 and 2.5 while Lackey started promisingly at 4.1 but plummeted to 1.5. But in September, as we well remember, all the Red Sox needed was one more win.

Game 31: May 10, 2012
Cleveland Indians 18-13	8	W: Derek Lowe (5-1)
		2B: Asdrubal Cabrera (11), Michael Brantley – 2 (10), Shin-Soo Choo (6) HR: Jack Hannahan (3), Jason Kipnis (6)
Boston Red Sox 12-19	3	L: Josh Beckett (2-4)
		2B: Adrian Gonzalez (9), Daniel Nava (1) HR: Dustin Pedroia (5)

That, and the fact that Jonathan Broxton’s legs are the size of giant sequoias.

Dennis Eckersley came through with a few great sound bites, as usual.

• On umpires: They are shy with strike three. [wimpy noise]
• On Broxton: No slide steps involved with this guy.
• On Carl Beane: Everybody’s waiting for the voice that isn’t going to be there.

Game 30: May 9, 2012
Boston Red Sox 12-18	3	L: Jon Lester (1-3)
		2B: Adrian Gonzalez (8), Jarrod Saltalamacchia (6)
Kansas City Royals 11-19	4	W: Bruce Chen (1-4) H: Aaron Crow (6) S: Jonathan Broxton (7)
		2B: Brayan Pena (6), Irving Falu (1), Alcides Escobar (10), Alex Gordon (8), Chris Getz (5)

I will always remember how he announced the seventh inning “streeeeeetch,” his drawn out enunciation of “Derek… Jeter” so that we could get in our boos, and the rolling of his Rs in Latino players’ names. NESN used to have Beane’s voice open each game broadcast; the deep intoning of “Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to Fenway Park” was my cue to get ready for the game. Ever the custodian of the park’s history, he used that phrase to honor Sherm Feller. Perhaps the station will revive this now to memorialize both these Fenway family members, as they should have done for the park’s 100th anniversary.

His voice and delivery was the perfect for Fenway, a balance of gravitas and jocularity. He will be missed.

Game 29: May 8, 2012
Boston Red Sox 12-17	4	L: Daniel Bard (2-4) BS: Matt Albers (1)
		2B: David Ortiz (13), Will Middlebrooks (4), Mike Aviles (9), Adrian Gonzalez (7)
Kansas City Royals 10-19	6	W: Jose Mijares (2-1) S: Jonathan Broxton (6)
		HR: Billy Butler (6)

Will Middlebrooks mastered space, time, and Royals pitchers last night. With elegant intervals Middlebrooks home runs have landed thus: a grand slam in Sunday’s debacle, a three-run shot to right in the first inning, and a two-run circuit clout in the eighth that dinged the left field foul pole. If Middlebrooks’s ambition is to render Kevin Youkilis redundant he seems to have the bat to do so. The rookie’s defense is still raw, however, as witnessed by his throwing error in the third that allowed Jarrod Dyson to score and Alex Gordon to advance to third. The Royals inched to within a run of the visitors in that inning but never gained the advantage.

Felix Doubront lasted 6⅓ innings and had to be relieved by Vicente Padilla. The canny reliever almost earned the save by the three-innings rule, but his relief outing wasn’t only impressive because of its duration. Padilla toed the rubber with the bases loaded and one out. He faced the Royals’ best hitter Billy Butler and induced a nifty double play with a tempting sinker.

As awful as the Red Sox have been playing at Fenway the Royals are worse at Kauffman. They have now lost 13 out of 15 home games, not the way to whet the appetite for the All-Star Game come July. If Middlebrooks keeps it up, he might be visiting Kansas City in a couple of months. Lately Padilla has pitched well enough to be similarly honored, but it is doubtful any players would vote for him.

David Ortiz would make the All-Star roster either on his own merits or by his personality. His newly slimmed physique has paid off enormous dividends. The slugger led off the third with a home run off southpaw Jonathan Sanchez, a rare occurrence for Ortiz in past seasons. In the eighth, as Dyson fumbled Cody Ross’s fly ball to center Ortiz nearly lapped Dustin Pedroia on the basepaths. The gigantic gold chain Ortiz wore didn’t slow him down at all.

Ortiz used to look like what Kelly Shoppach does now. The catcher led off the fourth with the first triple in his career and luckily for him he got a breather when Ned Yost swapped Sanchez for Nick Adcock right after his momentous hit.

Game 28: May 7, 2012
Boston Red Sox 12-16	11	W: Felix Doubront (2-1) S: Vicente Padilla (1)
		2B: Dustin Pedroia (10), Will Middlebrooks (3), Cody Ross (6) 3B: Kelly Shoppach (1) HR: Middlebrooks – 2 (3), David Ortiz (7), Pedroia (4)
Kansas City Royals 9-19	5	L: Jonathan Sanchez (1-2)
		2B: Mike Moustakas (11)

Early home run by
Former Milwaukee player
Many beers needed

Chris Davis strikes out
Rain rapping on a tin roof
Repetitive sounds

Is this a repeat
Of the first inning? Solo
home run by Hardy

Reynolds walks, home run
By Andino.The world is
Coming to an end

Miller strikes out side
Can the Red Sox come back?
Middlebrooks grand slam

Valentine should have
Let Miller keep on pitching
Second guessing’s fun

Gonzalez grounded
Into the shift with two on
Eight men left stranded

Dropped foul pop error
By Saltalamacchia
Then drives in a run

Aviles singles
But is caught stealing after
Sweeney struck out, bah

Kevin Gregg can’t fight
With Ortiz thanks to Bobby
McDonald DH

Gammons quipped, “Chavez
Is designated bunter.”
Franklin catches bunt

Pedroia two-out
Base on balls but Gonzalez
Popped out on first pitch

Davis not only
Whiffs but grounds into double
Plays, neat 3-6-3

Middlebrooks rookie
Throwing error doesn’t cost
A run. Lesson learned.

Instead of ending
An inning Gonzalez just
Grounds out leading off

Mistake and Byrd’s on
Aviles’s double lands
Byrd thrown out at home

McDonald roughed up
Davis pitches better than
He hits. Ballmer wins.

Game 27: May 6, 2012 ∙ 17 innings
Baltimore Orioles 19-9	9	W: Chris Davis (1-0)
		2B: Adam Jones (7), Mark Reynolds (7), Matt Wieters (5), J.J. Hardy (5) HR: Hardy – 2 (6), Robert Andino (2), Jones (8)
Boston Red Sox 11-16	6	L: Darnell McDonald (0-1)
		2B: Mike Aviles – 2 (8), Jarrod Saltalamacchia (5), David Ortiz (12) HR: Will Middlebrooks (1)

Since Cook’s return he was a serviceable starter in the hitter-friendly climes of Coors, even earning an All-Star appearance in 2008. His sinker ball style of hurling was thought to translate well between National and American leagues, so it was with high anticipation that the Red Sox welcomed Cook to the mound. Cook plugged right into the slot that Josh Beckett vacated due to latissimus soreness.

In the second inning Cook started off inducing two outs but then allowed consecutive line drive singles to Chris Davis and Wilson Betemit. Most folks know that Cook throws the drop ball but that fact seemed to be lost on his battery mate. Jarrod Saltalamacchia failed to block a pitch to Mark Reynolds and Davis rushed home on the error.

With utter disregard for life and limb Cook slid on both knees to block home while trying to catch Saltalamacchia’s toss from foul territory. In the fray the pitcher was spiked on the leg, or as he described it, “kind of just filleted open a little bit.” Jim Joyce allowed the Red Sox trainers to treat Cook, who returned to the mound and got Reynolds to ground out to third.

ESPN talking heads conjured Curt Schilling when discussing Cook’s return to the mound in the third, but for two glaring differences: it wasn’t postseason baseball and Schilling pitched well. Although he was dauntless in his return that pluck did not translate into his pitching. Between Cook and reliever Clayton Mortensen the Orioles scored seven runs, including home runs by Adam Jones and Reynolds.

So much for home cooking. Time to go on a culinary adventure with Anthony Bourdain.

Game 26: May 5, 2012
Baltimore Orioles 18-9	8	W: Jason Hammel (4-1)
		2B: Matt Wieters (4), Mark Reynolds (6) HR: Adam Jones (7), Reynolds (2)
Boston Red Sox 11-15	2	L: Aaron Cook (0-1)
		2B: Adrian Gonzalez (6), Ryan Sweeney (13), Jarrod Saltalamacchia (4), Dustin Pedroia (9)

In the bottom half of the third Adrian Gonzalez led the return volley with a long line drive single to left. Dustin Pedroia doubled but Gonzalez could only advance to third. Both runners advanced on David Ortiz’s ground out and Pedroia tagged scored on Cody Ross’s sacrifice fly. But for every advantage the local nine gained the Orioles had an answer.

The next frame commenced with Jon Lester walking Adam Jones on four pitches, which annoyed Eckersley almost as much as Baltimore’s defensive gaffes. The second least likely player on the field to triple did so — Matt Wieters’s fly ball glanced off the ideal spot on the right field padding to elude Ross. Wilson Betemit may be awkward in the outfield but at the dish he fired a line drive to center to knot the game 3-3.

Betemit’s play in left contributed to Will Middlebrooks being able to double in the fifth. The rookie, who Bobby Valentine slotted in the two-hole in his second game, tagged up on Gonzalez’s fly ball to left and scored his first major league run on Pedroia’s single. That single run lead did not hold, but at least the Red Sox bullpen wasn’t atrocious. Boston’s relievers just couldn’t match up against Charm City’s exceptional relief staff.

Wouldn’t it be great to have a channel that had salty Hall of Famers and crusty old-timers commenting on a game uncensored? Eckersley’s commentary is not only entertaining but incredibly informative, but he obviously holds back. I would drop some big iron for such a program.

Game 25: May 4, 2012 ∙ 13 innings
Baltimore Orioles 17-9	6	W: Troy Patton (1-0) S: Jim Johnson (8)
		2B: Mark Reynolds (5) 3B: Matt Wieters (1) HR: Reynolds (1)
Boston Red Sox 11-14	4	BS: Vicente Padilla (1) L: Franklin Morales (0-1)
		2B: Dustin Pedroia (8), Will Middlebrooks (2) 3B: Cody Ross (1)

Jimmie Foxx’s spirit infused the first franchise he played for rather than the team whose hat he wears in on his plaque in Cooperstown. The Athletics took the lead in the fourth on Seth Smith’s single to drive in Yoenis Cespedes and added three more runs in the sixth.

One of the few highlights was Will Middlebrooks’s major league debut. The hot-hitting prospect took over at the hot corner for the ailing Kevin Youkilis and knocked a single to his station in the fifth inning for the first hit of his career. The 23-year old is just six years older than Foxx was for his major league debut. Foxx’s first game was on May 1, 1925 against the Senators at Griffith Stadium. Foxx pinch hit in the nine-hole for the pitcher and singled.

The umpire waiting for Foxx at first? Bill Dinneen, a former Red Sox player immortalized in the lyrics of “Tessie.”

After Middlebrooks singled Youkilis pretended to give the ball away to the hoards of greedy hands behind the dugout. He didn’t throw it back, but instead tucked the keepsake in his pocket. As long as Youkilis didn’t Papelbon it, the newest addition to Boston’s lineup will have a tangible reminder of his first game in the bigs at Fenway.

Game 24: May 2, 2012
Oakland Athletics 13-13	4	W: Brandon McCarthy (2-3) H: Ryan Cook (7) S: Brian Fuentes (1)
		2B: Yoenis Cespedes (5), Seth Smith (1), Kila Ka‘aihue (4), Brandon Inge (2)
Boston Red Sox 11-13	2	L: Daniel Bard (2-3)
		2B: Ryan Sweeney (12), David Ortiz – 2 (11), Will Middlebrooks (1), Dustin Pedroia (7)